Buried: The Rachel Berry Story
by thefinchelshipper
Summary: After Rachel gets beaten and raped on a trip to NYC over the summer, she is hospitalized and nearly dead from the beating. On top of that, Finn has broken up with her and is with Quinn. No one knows about the beating/rape.
1. Prologue

A/N this is my FIRST Fanfic EVER! So if you happen to read this, don't hate. Okay! Hopefully I will improve!

What if Finn had never broken up with Quinn?

What if he hadn't kissed Rachel at Nationals?

What if he and Rachel _hadn't_ gotten back together?

Rachel has a secret that she won't tell **anyone**.

It was a crisp Fall day and the sun was just beginning to rise. Rachel hit the snooze button on her alarm clock and sighed as she sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

Rachel groaned when she thought about Finn and Quinn. He was all over her constantly. It killed her to see them together. Finn knew it was hurting Rachel to see that, yet it did not stop him from what he was doing. He claimed to be in love with Quinn.

"_What happened to the love we had?" _Rachel thought. _"What happened to 'I'll never break up with you Rachel, I love you."_?

Lately her life had been a never ending battle with depression that she had been trying to conceal from the other Glee club members. Besides Kurt, she basically had no real friends in the club anymore, which meant she had no real friends in the entire school. She didn't mind though, or so everyone thought.

Rachel was quite used to being left out. Her dads always told her that it was because people were jealous of her talent. However, Rachel knew the truth. She knew it was because she was selfish. She was extremely selfish and she knew it. Everyone did.

She stood in front of her mirror, looking over her appearance. She wasn't the usual Rachel everyone knew and saw anymore. Her hair was flat and lifeless. Her eyes lacked the usual spark they had. Her usual ensembles of knee socks, skirts, and animal sweaters was long gone and had been replaced with plain, dark wash jeans and converse.

Rachel Barbra Berry was _not_ Rachel Barbra Berry anymore.

It had all started the summer before school started. She had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and was now haunted with the memories of that night every waking minute, and even in her sleep.

I know it next chapter will be better and much longer!


	2. Chapter 2

**BTW- This is NOT the first day of school! It's like mid September!**

**Thank you guys who are reading this! It means alot! :D Stay tuned. Comment and Review and stuff. I'm ALWAYS open for suggestions!**

Rachel walked into the Choir room and sat in her usual seat; the very back and off to the side.

She wasn't in the mood to talk, much less sing. She never sang anymore. No one appreciated her enough to listen or take interest.

She pulled the sleeves of the large sweatshirt she was wearing down over her scarred and battered arms. Cutting was an almost daily thing with her now. Not that anyone seemed to notice it.

Rachel watched as Finn walked through the door holding Quinn's hand. He glanced over in Rachel's direction for a moment, then refocused his attention on his girlfriend. He had noticed major changes in Rachel since the trip to New York City at National's last year. Yes, he had noticed.

He didn't say anything though. And the reason was Quinn. The blonde haired, green eyed Cheerio had somehow convinced Finn to believe that all of this with Rachel was a cry for attention. Quinn figured that since Rachel no longer had Finn, she was simply jealous and wanting attention from people.

That was not the case with Rachel at all. Not by far. In fact, she was far from wanting attention. All she wanted at this point was to fade into the background. To fall asleep and never wake up. To ease the pain away with her best friend; a rather sharp piece of metal.

**_-Flashback-_**

_Rachel was walking through Central Park after having dinner with her dad's at Sardi's. She had mentioned she needed to run an errand before coming back to the hotel. _

_It was not quite dark yet, so she decided to take a shortcut through the park to save time. Plus, she knew this was going to be some of the only alone time she had whilst in New York with her dads. _

_Rachel cast a glance up at the sky and smiled to herself. Although the glee club had lost Nationals, they were still winners to her. Even if she and Finn weren't together, she was happy. _

_Suddenly, she felt a hand close tight around her throat, pushing her to the ground. At this point, the sky was growing dark and few people were left in the park. _

_As her head hit the ground, all she could see was black. A few seconds later, her vision was restored and she saw two looming and ominous figures standing over her. _

"_Well well, look what we got? She's a pretty one, aint she?" One of the men said in a gruff voice. _

"_Yeah, but that honker of hers is a major turn off. Can we just get on with it Stanley?" The other said._

"_I wanna have a little fun with her first. We'll get her money, don't you worry. She looks awful frigid, don't she? Well, we'll take care of that." The man called Stanley replied. _

_She felt the impact of their heavy boots hit her side. Her purse was ripped from her hands and she felt herself being kicked over onto her back. Soon, her thin cardigan was off and thrown aside. All she could feel were the rough hands of the men. _

_Something, possibly a sock or cloth, was shoved into her mouth to keep her from screaming or making any kind of noise. She still screamed though, no matter the restrictions. Rachel felt the concrete of the path scratch into her face as her head slammed down onto it. She kicked her legs violently as soon as she felt the hands moving lower down her body. _

_Hot, salty tears poured out of her eyes and streamed down her face. Never in her life had she been so hurt, so humiliated, and so afraid. Where was the help? Wasn't anyone seeing this? Why was no one rushing to her aid. _

_And then the pain came. The one called Stanley had stepped on her small arm and practically crushed it. He obviously enjoyed the sound of cracking bone and muffled sobs of young girls. _

_The events that occurred next seemed almost painless compared to the sharp, indescribable pain in her arm. Nothing had ever felt worse to her. _

_As each article of clothing was stripped off Rachel, she kicked and screamed, trying to put up a good fight. She was losing, and losing badly though. _

_Each man had their turn with her, and when they finished, they kicked her hard in the gut and few more times and pushed her off to the side. _

_Rachel was bloody and more than half naked. She didn't know if she was going to survive or not, and if she did, it would be a wonder if she didn't commit suicide. _

**_-End-_**

Rachel never went one day without reliving that horrific June day. The damage they had caused was not only physical, but severely emotional. Her dads had to beg her for weeks just to get the full story out of her, and even then, she made them swear not to tell anyone.

So, here she was in school, acting as if nothing had happened. Everyone knew something had happened to her though. They just didn't care enough to ask.

After practice had ended, Rachel got up quickly to leave the choir room. She didn't even know why she bothered with Glee club anymore. She didn't sing anymore anyway.

Before she passed through the doorway, Mr. Schuester put his hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"Rachel.." He said in his quiet, calming voice. "I wanted to speak with you.."

Rachel turned around and looked up at William Schuester with her dead, lifeless eyes. "Yes?"

"W-What's happened to you?" He said simply. He was so confused at this new Rachel, and he was determined to get to the bottom of it.

"People change Mr. Schue. I guess over the summer I realized that i'm not as good of a singer as I used to like to think I was. I'm sorry I ever bored you or annoyed you with my ambition. They were silly, those dreams of mine. I'm sorry I pulled Glee club down. But, i changed." Rachel said quietly. She wanted to come right out and tell him, but she couldn't bring herself to. She just couldn't. She wasn't ready for people to know yet. This was far too personal.

"Rachel, you are an amazing singer. How could you ever think otherwise? This isn't you. We miss the old Rachel. Please, tell me what's really going on." He said, looking up into Rachel's eyes.

"Nothing is going on. I think everyone else is quiet happy with the change in Glee club. Santana and Mercedes get to showcase their talents now." She sighed. "I have to go." And with that, she left the choir room and went to her next class.

Mr. Scheuster simply stood there, thinking. He knew something was up. He'd have a call with her fathers later. He had to figure this out.


	3. Chapter 3

**WOW! Thank you guys for all the reviews and stuff! I'm so grateful! I love this story so far, and I think you guys are liking it too. Please, comments and suggestions are VERY welcome! And all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own! Hah! P.S.- I try and update every 2-3 days! Just so you know! I have a hectic school schedule. Thanks!**

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><p>Once. Twice. Three times she cut.<p>

The sharp blade slashes across her wrists in a fluid motion.

Soon after, a steady flow of crimson red liquid drips down her arm, and the relief is there.

Though it is short lived.

Soon, the physical pain is no longer enough to keep the emotional pain away.

She keeps going. Slash after slash.

Tonight is a rough night.

Rachel Berry had not confronted anyone about the events that occurred over the summer.

_Anyone._

Not even Kurt, whom she knew she could confide in anything.

If anyone found out, she didn't know what she'd do.

Santana and Quinn would probably give a mere eye roll and make some sarcastic remark about how it was a desperate cry for attention.

When in reality, she was crying on the inside for help, not attention.

Suddenly, she felt her phone vibrate.

She tried to ignore it, but the buzzing went on incessantly. Sighing, she looked down at the caller I.D. Finn? Why was he calling? Shouldn't he be off fucking Quinn?

Rachel wanted to simply ignore the call and throw her phone across the room. She wanted nothing more than to finish what she had started and possibly get a few more cuts worth of relief.

Sadly, her wishes were not filled as she picked the phone up and answered it, her conscious getting the better of her.

"F-Finn?" She spoke with a nervous voice. She wondered why he had called her at all.

"Rachel.." He spoke softly. She always loved the sound of his voice when he said her name. "I uh...j-just wanted to call and ask if I could come over.. To talk, you know?"

Rachel sighed quietly. She didn't want visitors, not when her wrists looked like sliced deli meat. But again, she acted without thinking. "S-Sure, I suppose that would be fine."

"Alright, cool. I'll be there in a few Rach." He smiled contently to himself and hung up. He had no idea what he was in for. Finn hadn't paid much attention to Rachel since Nationals last year. He had, however, noticed the change in Rachel's behavior and dress. Mr. Schue had asked him to come and talk to her.

At first, he hadn't been excited at the idea, but as he rethought it, he decided to go for it. It meant getting out of having to sit and listen to Quinn complain.

Rachel stood quickly and began cleaning up her arm. She was aiming for pain relief, not infection, from cutting. Every time after a session, she would go through a rigorous cleaning on her arm. She did not want to die of infection.

As she wrapped gauze and bandages around her butchered forearms, she thought about how best to hide her pain from Finn.

She knew that he knew she was different, but she also knew he hadn't the slightest idea of the _pain_ she'd been feeling over these months.

The casual ring of the doorbell signaled Finn's arrival. Rachel pulled an old hoodie on and down her arms, concealing the bandages.

"Hi Finn." She said, flashing a small, fake smile at him as she opened the door. Her show face was definitely on. She was an excellent liar. She hoped Finn wouldn't see through the facade.

"Hey Rachel." Finn said as he walked in. "Everything going okay?" He asked, taking in her disheveled appearance. He'd never seen her quite so..._Not Rachel._

"I'm perfectly fine, Finn." Rachel let out a long sigh. She knew Mr. Schuester had put him up to this. She saw it now. That was the only reason he'd come. "If that's what you're wondering, you've got your answer right there." Rachel pushed open her bedroom door and sat down on her bed, crossing her legs indian style.

"You don't look fine.." Finn said as he looked around her once bright and colorful room. It was now littered with trash and torn papers. The colorful bedspread and pillows on her bed were now replaced with drab black bedding. Her countless cd's ranging from Patti LuPone to Barbra Streisand were gone and her shelves were instead filled with books of all sorts, yet each one was just as depressing as the one before it. A quick glance towards her closet revealed piles of dirty and clean clothes alike.

Where was the Rachel he knew and loved?

He had to find _that_ girl.

"Rachel...Really, what happened to you? You know you can tell me anything." Finn said. He was desperate to know the truth.

Rachel was getting angry. He couldn't expect to just walk in here and be told all the details of her life. "Well it just so happens, Finn, that that's none of your fucking business." She frowned.

Finn was taken aback. He had never heard Rachel Berry cuss before. This was serious if she was cussing.

"I'm sorry Rach. I'm just worried. We all are. Don't think we haven't noticed these changes..." He sighed.

"Like I said, It's not any of anyone's business what I do and what may or may not be wrong." She said, holding her ground.

"I just hope this doesn't have anything to do with us. Is it because i'm with Quinn? Or that we didn't win Nationals? Please talk to me Rachel."

"Why don't you stop being so selfish? Of course this isn't over you. Not everything is. I've only come to realize that the world does not revolve around me, Finn. I used to be so self centered. I suppose I still am, but I experienced a major change over the summer."

"Change? What kind of change?" Finn wondered. Why hadn't she told him if it was important?"

Rachel rolled her eyes and got off the bed. "The kind that's pretty life altering. Now, I need you to leave. Now." She was angry and needed to vent.

Finn got up from the bed slowly and nodded. "Well, please just...Don't hesitate to call me Rachel. I care about you." After an awkward wave, Finn Hudson was out the front door and she was free to retreat back to her bathroom.

Her blade had missed her.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys! Again, BIG thank you! I love the reviews! They're like crack to me. Lol..

Anyway, I want to say that some of this stuff IS triggering. So, read at your own risk.

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><p>A week had passed since Rachel's conversation with Finn.<p>

He had barely spoken to her.

Finn knew something was up with her. He _loved_ Rachel. He _deeply_ cared for her, and he knew she felt the same for him. But why wouldn't she tell him what was going on?

Maybe he was delving too deep into this. Maybe she was simply a changed person?

No, that couldn't be it. Rachel Berry did _not_ just 'stop' singing altogether.

She just didn't.

Not unless something had happened.

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><p>Rachel trudged out of her second class of the day, already aching to go home. Her rigorous cutting session, thighs this time, a few nights ago had left her sore and barely able to walk.<p>

She simply had to wash away the pain somehow, and that was her only way of coping. It was the way she knew to deal with pain.

The thing that made it all disappear for a while.

As she made her way to her locker, she heard the familiar footsteps of a certain someone of the football team.

"Hey, look what we have here Azimio. Another Glee freak." Karofsky laughed his maniacal laugh and glared down at the tiny brunette girl. He was holding a large 44 oz. slushy. Grape flavored.

_Oh no. _Rachel thought. _Not today, please not today. The one day I forget a change of clothes._

A quick glance in Azimio's direction led her to her worst fear. He was holding the same size cup, filled to the brim with grape flavored, sugary, slush.

The two brawny boys laughed and proceeded to dump the contents of the cups on top of Rachel's head.

As she felt the usual cold sting of the slushy in her eyes, she couldn't help but think of how miserable the rest of the day would be. Sticky, wet clothes.

She knew better than to ask anyone for a change of clothes, even the Glee kids.

Everyone seemed to hate her these days.

Azimio and Karofsky finished her off with a hard shove into the lockers and walked off, clearly proud and satisfied with what they'd done.

Rachel found herself in the girls' bathroom, cleaning the purple gunk out of her eyes when she heard a familiar voice.

"Need some help with that?" Kurt's voice rang through her heard.

"That would be much needed. The one day I forget to bring clothes, they do this." Rachel let out a long sigh and bit her lip.

"I have a spare shirt you can wear. But no pants. Or horrid plaid skirts." Kurt laughed lightly at his joke, but Rachel found it not amusing.

She stiffened as he cleaned her hands, then suddenly pushed her long sleeves up to wipe slushy off her arms. She had forgotten all about keeping the cuts covered.

_.shit._

_How could you be so stupid, Rachel. How?_

Kurt's eyes went wide as he gaped at the deep, red gashes that Rachel had forgotten to cover back up this morning.

"R-Rachel Barbra B-Berry." He stammered out. "Would you mind explaining what the _fuck_ this is?"

Rachel looked up at him and pulled her arms away from him. "Noth-"

"Don't you _**dare**_ say nothing. It's _not _nothing! Tell me what this is right now." Kurt looked worried and scared for his friend.

"They're called cuts." She sighed. Rachel decided to just be straightforward with him. He deserved to know, they were friends.

"Unfortunately, people like me who can't cope have no other way to relieve pain. So we cut. I cut myself Kurt. Is that what you want to hear? That I'm in so much pain emotionall that physical pain means nothing to me anymore?" Rachel was on the verge of tears now. This was the most she'd opened up to anyone in months.

"Rachel...Why? You know you can tell me anything. Just tell me, what's causing you all this pain?" He looked down into her worried eyes.

Rachel, who was now sobbing, had to make a choice. Should she tell him about the rape? About the beating? Would he even care?

She took a shaky breath and then let it out, trying to breathe.

"Over the summer, I was raped." She said it simply and quietly, yet she hoped she didn't have to repeat it.

"Oh my God." Kurt replied. He pulled Rachel into a tight hug, holding her close to him. She sobbed terribly and loudly into his chest. It felt so nice to open up, yet it hurt so badly.

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><p>After Rachel had calmed down and explained to Kurt everything that had happened, he drove her home. She needed to be home, to rest.<p>

Kurt tucked her into bed and turned on her favorite Streisand movie, _Funny Girl_, and left her house.

He had asked if he could tell anyone, and of course, she said no.

She knew she had to spill eventually, but for now, she was just too fragile.

She lay in bed that day, thinking, crying, sleeping, and just staring up at the ceiling. Nothing in her life went right.

She was miserable.

Why not end it?

Why even try anymore?

It would be so easy. The slip of a knife, a couple pills.

So painless. So quick. So taunting.

Why not end it?

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><p>OOOhh So now Kurt knowss...What'll happen next? Suggestions are welcome!<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews! I love reading them! :D Just gonna remind you all, this could be triggering. And NO, Rachel isn't going to kill herself!**

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><p>Kurt tapped his foot nervously as he sat through his 7th period French class.<p>

School just couldn't end early enough for him.

He _had_ to get to Glee club.

He _had _to see Rachel.

He had wanted to tell someone so badly, but he had promised Rachel.

Kurt wanted to keep her safe though. She was, after all, his best friend.

The bell rang loudly and Kurt sprang up from his seat, grateful for the end of the school day.

He quickly walked down the halls, making his way to the choir room.

Kurt tried to ignore Azimio and Karofsky's rude glares and hateful comments, but when the slammed him into the locker, he'd had enough.

"Listen Karofskie, you can't just go around treating others like we're crap! Okay?" Kurt practically screamed it at him. Dave looked taken aback. He hadn't been expecting it.

"Shut the fuck up _fag_. You have no place to talk to me like that. I can treat you freaks however I want to treat you. You and that nasty little Berry girl. Fag spawn is what she is. It's disgusting." Karofsky glared at Kurt. Azimio stood close by his friend, ready to defend him.

Karofsky went to push Kurt, but was stopped by a large hand.

"Hey, don't you touch him." Finn stepped in front of Kurt and glared right back at Karofsky.

"Defending the _fag_. You're disgusting Hudson." Karofsky and Azimio gave hateful looks, then stalked off down the hallway.

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><p>"Hey man, sorry about not being here earlier. I was trying to talk to Rachel. But she won't listen to me at all." Finn sighed and leaned against the row of lockers.<p>

"Listen Finn, she's...she's going through alot. I recently came across some...information, if you will. But she would hate me if I told you." Kurt replied, looking down at his feet.

"Kurt you _have_ to tell me. I gotta know. I care about Rachel. I _love_ her. But lately Quinn's been keeping a tight reign over me, and I just gotta get out. At first, I thought it was just a phase or something with Rachel, but if there's something really going on you gotta tell me. We're brothers." Finn looked desperate. He loved the girl; he wanted her to be safe.

"Finn, I just can't. This is serious information. She doesn't want this getting out. She told me so far only her dads know. No one else besides me.." Kurt wanted so badly to tell Finn, but he was scared of what Rachel would do. Would she still trust him if he told Finn?

"_Please_ Kurt. I'm _begging _you." Finn pleaded with Kurt, trying so hard to get to the bottom of it.

After a long pause and a sigh, Kurt relented. He pulled Finn out of the building and off to the side. "Do you really want to hear this?"

"Yes. I need to know why she's acting this way. I want to fix her. She just looks so...sad."

Kurt looked at his feet. "Over the summer, you know she went to New York with her dads, right?"

Finn nodded, not really knowing where this was headed.

"While she was there, she was mugged and raped. She told me she was beaten half to death and left for dead.."

Finn's face fell. He could hardly believe what he was hearing. "What? That's...That's..." He was at a loss of words. The feeling that he felt inside him was a mixture of rage at whoever did this to her and guilt for not noticing or caring before now.

"She's been cutting since it happened. I saw her wrists Finn, they're bad." Kurt sighed again, loudly.

Finn, however, was near tears. How could he not have noticed? She wore sleeved shirts every day, even on hot days. He should have known. He should have cared.

"I gotta go talk to her. I gotta hug her and tell her I love her." Finn quickly walked off, leaving Kurt.

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><p>Rachel sat in the auditorium. So many days she'd stood on this stage, singing her heart out when she didn't have any words to say how she felt.<p>

But now, she never sang. Singing only reminded her of what she didn't have anymore.

She got to her feet and sat at the piano on the stage. She placed her fingers on the keys and began to play softly, though her voice made no noises whatsoever.

It was when she began to feel the wet tears rolling down her cheeks that she heard soft footsteps. She sniffed, but didn't bother wiping her eyes.

Out from the shadows stepped Finn. He looked so pale, like he'd just seen a ghost.

"Rachel." He said quietly. He walked to her and pulled her into an embrace, lifting her from the bench of the piano. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

He continued to repeat those last words over and over. Rachel knew Kurt had told him.

She wasn't angry though. Maybe a little annoyed, but she wasn't angry.

Finn then set her down and took her hands in his. Kurt had told him about the cutting, but he had to see for himself. He quickly pushed up her sleeves and gasped at the sight. "Rach."

Rachel began to sob and cry into his shoulder. "Finn. I love you so much, but you _have_ to go back to Quinn. Leave me."

Finn felt her push away from him and frowned slightly. "What? No."

"You know now. You know all about everything. So you know i'm not ready for you. I don't want you Finn. I don't want anyone except death. You have got to understand that. Leave me." Rachel looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"Rach, I love you. I want to help you. You're broken, but I can fix you."

"No one can fix me. No one can." She then walked off stage and out of the auditorium.

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><p>Once home, she retreated to her room and leaned against the wall.<p>

Rachel rummaged through her bag and found what she was looking for.

"Bingo." She pushed her pants down and looked at a clear, white thigh. It was a blank canvas and she was the artist.

As she ran the smooth blade over her leg, the blood started to flow madly. She cried on both the inside and the outside, but not from the physical pain. After she'd bloodied her thighs up, she moved on to her wrists. Blood was staining everything.

Rachel began to feel lightheaded, and her arm was losing blood quickly. She'd cut just a little too deep that time.

She grabbed a towel and wrapped it tightly around her arm.

Too weak to get up, she lay on the floor of the room and fell fast asleep only to be woken up hours later by a frantic Finn.


	6. Chapter 6

**_I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!_ I wake up every morning and see all my emails telling me you all love the story. And be ready for Finchel, because here it comes! :D I am in love with this story.**

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><p>"Rachel <em>fucking<em> Berry! What the- Are you okay?" Finn nearly cried out every profanity he knew when he caught sight of her. He picked her up off the bloody floor and held her in his arms. She was barely conscious, which wasn't a good sign.

"F-Finn. I feel sick." Rachel spoke in a barely audible whisper and as she tried to focus in on Finn's features, she felt her eyes rolling back into her head.

"God dammit Rach. What the hell were you thinking?" Finn let a few small tears roll down his cheeks as he hastily put her in the car. He had to get her fixed up fast because she had lost so much blood. He never liked the sight of blood and always felt queasy around it, but now that it was Rachel who was covered in blood, his own problems seemed obsolete and eradicated. He felt fine save for the fact that he was about to cry out in sadness and anger alike.

He sped all the way to the hospital, not even bothering with the fact that he'd probably broken more than a few laws on the way there.

Upon arrival, Finn picked Rachel up carefully and held her. He was determined not to let anything happen to her, and if that meant moving in and living with her just so he could watch her, then so be it. He _had_ to know that she was safe. Over the past few hours, Finn had come to realize that Rachel truly was his _everything._ Without her, he was nothing. Which is what his life had been these past few months. _Nothing._ His Rachel was barely there and he wanted her back.

A nurse dressed in blue scrubs saw them and frantically rushed over at the sight of blood. Finn laid her on the gurney that was brought just seconds later. He continued to hold her hand, not willing to lose contact with her. After a few moments though, the nurse sadly told him they had to take her back to stitch her arm up and give her blood transfusions, and seeing as how he wasn't related to her, he could not go back with her.

He reluctantly took a seat and pulled his phone out. He had a message from Kurt.

**K: Finn, where are you? Skipping school?**

Finn sighed as he texted a quick reply to Kurt. He didn't want him to be too worried.

**F: No, Rachel needed to go to the hospital for something. I'll be there later possibly. Just tell everyone i'm sick, okay?**

Soon after he pressed send, he got a text back from Kurt.

**K: Alright. Tell Rachel to stay strong for me.**

Finn smiled at the message. He truly cared about Rachel. Both of them did, in such different ways. Rachel was Kurt's best friend and Finn's one true love. Neither of them could afford to lose her.

After a few minutes of silent waiting and flipping through dated magazines, the same nurse in the same blue scrubs walked out and over to Finn.

"Mr. Hudson, is it?" She asked, a peculiar look on her face.

"I'm Finn, but yeah. What is it?" He asked right back.

"Well, we did a blood test, and it seems that at the time of the cutting, she was highly intoxicated. She had almost three full bottles of Vodka in her stomach. We had to pump it." The nurse looked up at Finn's dumbstruck face.

Finn simply stood there. Rachel never drank. Ever. Not even on her worst days. Now he knew how terribly serious this was. She could have died. Maybe she did it on accident? Or she simply wanted to die? He hoped it wasn't the latter. "R-Rachel's been through a lot in the past few months, or so i'm told. She's been pretty depressed. And to be honest, none of her friends, including myself, are being very supportive or helpful." He sighed. "Can I see her?"

"Yes, but she's pretty tired. We've given her a lot of medications and we've prescribed her some things. She'll be able to leave shortly if you want to take her home."

Finn nodded and followed the nurse back to the little area blocked off by a thin curtain. She tried to sit up a little upon seeing him enter the room, but he stopped her. "You need your rest" he told her.

She nodded slowly and bit her lip. Both her forearms were wrapped tightly in white gauze and medical tape. Her thighs as well. She let a tear fall as she looked at his grief stricken face. "Finn, i'm so sorry." She said weakly. "I never meant to hurt you like this."

Finn didn't speak. Instead, he wrapped an arm around her gently and laid his head on her shoulder. He finally just had to let it out. As he cried into her, he thought about how much she had probably needed him in the past months, but he'd been such a dick and had refused her help when she'd been asking for it. He was such a bastard.

"Rachel, I am so sorry." He said as he pulled away from her a few moments later. "I wasn't there when you needed me. I will never let that happen again. Can you trust me anymore? Or have I blown it?"

Rachel was a little confused. He was apologizing to her? Why? He hadn't done anything. Or maybe that was the reason. He hadn't done _anything._ And he felt bad.

"Finn, it's fine. I want to thank you, for helping me today. I would be dead now if it weren't for you. Quinn doesn't have to know that you helped me though. I won't tell."

"I don't care if Quinn knows. I don't want Quinn." Finn said very matter-of-factly.

"But she's your girlfriend. Don't you love her?" Rachel let her forehead crease slightly into a frown. She ran her fingers slowly through Finn's soft hair.

"I love you more than I ever thought I loved Quinn. I loved her a long time ago, but it was stupid. I _truly_ and _deeply_ love you Rachel Barbra Berry. I will be there for you whenever you need me. I'm never going to turn my back on you again. Do you hear me? I'm not ever going back to Quinn because you're stuck with me now. And I'm not letting you slip through my fingers again. I lost you once and bad things happened. Very bad things."

Rachel simply leaned foreword and kissed him squarely on the lips. "I love you too." She said quietly. She had missed him. Now, she felt as though another puzzle piece of her life had been put into place. She was still missing many, but one had been put back. She was happy, for once.

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><p>Finn was laid back on Rachel's bed, watching her as she slept. He had promised her he'd stay over for the night, no matter what her dads said. His arm wrapped itself around her waist and began to rub small circles into her back. She had a peaceful, yet beautiful elegance about her when she slept. It was hypnotic.<p>

Nights like this were nights in which Finn wished that the morning would never come. Things were perfectly peaceful and happy in his life. Tomorrow, though, they both had to face school.

Finn would be ready to stand up for Rachel if need be though. He was going to protect her and love her as much as he possibly could. If that meant getting blue slushies down his shirt every day, then he would still do it.

Finn Hudson loved Rachel Berry, and that was all he really knew.

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><p><strong>This chapter was amazing to write! I LOVE it. ALso, thank you all! Reviewwww!<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**Again, a big thank you to everyone who reads this! I made this one a little longer tonight! Hope you like it. Remember, REVIEWS ARE GREAT! THEY'RE LIKE MY CRACK..Hahaha. Any writing improvements/suggestions I could make would be so welcome!**

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><p>Mr. Schuester sat at his desk in his office, grading papers from his spanish class. He had been having a bad day, and was tired and a little upset. As he sat marking red letters on each of the papers, the door was pushed open slightly. In walked Rachel Berry and Finn Hudson.<p>

Rachel stood in front of his desk, a faint smile on her lips. "Mr. Schuester, I have to ask you something."

Will looked up from his papers and nodded. "Of course Rachel, anything. What is it?" He sighed, wondering if she was about to go off on some sort of emotional rampage.

It was, in fact, the exact opposite. "I want to sing a song in Glee club today. I...I know I haven't sung in well...months, but I have to tell you all something today. And the best way I know to do that is to sing."

Mr. Schuester nodded slowly. "Of course. We'd all be very glad to hear you sing again. Have you finally decided to come out of this 'phase' or whatever this was you were in?"

Rachel frowned slightly and shook her head. "It's not a-"

"All teenagers go through phases Rachel. I mean, it's not like you're not immune to that. You're no different from anyone else, so stop trying to make everyone feel bad for you, alright?" He hadn't meant to sound so rude, but it just came out. These last few months, he hadn't payed much attention to Rachel. No one had.

"Fine. Well, i'll see you in Glee club then." Rachel tried to hold back tears as she rushed from the room, bumping into Finn on the way.

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><p>Finn chased after her. "Rach, come on. He doesn't know." Finn held Rachel steady and pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry he acted like that, but he'll know later. They all will. They'll all apologize, just like I did."<p>

Finn kissed her cheek softly, but felt Rachel pulled away. She wasn't very affectionate anymore, and he knew why. The traumatic event had a lasting effect. She didn't like being touched anymore. It was only natural, but he missed his old Rachel.

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><p>Rachel sat through her last class of the day, resisting the urge to fall asleep. She was so bored, and never once got interested in schoolwork anymore. It was like her life had changed completely. She used to be such an avid note taker in class and never settled for below an A-. Now she was lucky if she got a B-.<p>

The bell rang and Rachel shot up from her seat, rushing from the room. She wasn't exactly excited to tell everyone of the events that had happened over the summer, but Finn had just kept telling her that it would be better once everyone knew. She had to listen to him if she wanted to get better, right?

She set her bag down at her usual chair in the choir room and stood next the door. Upon everyone's arrival, they made their way to the auditorium.

As she stood alone on the old, black stage, she felt a sense of relief and happiness. So many months she'd wished she could just come out here and sing, but she could never bring herself to do it. But as she stood on that stage, her peers sitting in the seats in front of her, she felt like she was herself again.

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><p>Rachel stepped forward and looked down at everyone. "I know you all are probably wondering why i'm choosing to sing now."<p>

"Yeah, why now? I gots to gets my mack on with Puckerman after school, hobbit." Santana shouted loudly. "Go home Yentl."

Quinn rolled her eyes, but nodded. "Yeah, I have a few tests to study for, couldn't this have waited or something?"

Everyone started to talk quietly, ignoring the fact that Rachel was standing there, ready to burst into tears at any moment.

"Shut up everyone, just shut the fuck up! Can't you see she's clearly stressed about this?" Finn yelled at everyone. He was angry at them for not caring. They should care. He certainly did.

"Whoa, didn't mean to upset you Finnocence. Chill." Santana rolled her eyes dramatically and turned her attention to Rachel. "Continue RuPaul."

Rachel nodded and closed her eyes as she heard the music start. "This song is dedicated to Finn, for bringing me out of the dark and saving me when I needed saving."

Finn smiled a little and watched her, not being able to take his eyes from her.

Rachel began to sing the first line of the song. How good it felt to finally sing! Yet, she felt as though she was going to cry at any second. This song meant so much to her, just like Finn.

(_My Love by Sia)_

_My love, leave yourself behind_

_Beat inside me, leave you blind_

_My love, you have found peace_

_You were searching for release_

She cast a glance at Finn, only to see him smiling with amazement. Everyone else seemed to be enjoying it as well, or at least they were acting like it. Though Kurt looked genuinely happy to be there.

_You gave it all, into the call_

_You took a chance and_

_You took a fall for us_

_You came thoughtfully, loved me faithfully_

_You taught me honor, you did it for me_

_Tonight you will sleep for good _

_You will wait for me my love_

_Now I am strong (Now I am strong)_

_You gave me all _

_You gave all you had and now I am home _

_My love, leave yourself behind_

_Beat inside me, leave you blind_

_My love, look what you can do_

_I am mending, I'll be with you_

_You took my hand added a plan_

_You gave me your heart_

_I asked you to dance with me_

_You loved honestly_

_Did what you could release_

_Aaaahhh oooh_

_I know you're pleased to go_

_I won't relieve this love _

_Now I am strong (Now I am strong)_

_You gave me all_

_You gave all you had and now I am home_

_My love, leave yourself behind_

_Beat inside me, I'll be with you_

_oooooohh ooooh_

_Du du du ooooooh_

She finished the song triumphantly, smiling, though tears were streaming heavily down her cheeks. She wiped them and lowered her trembling hands to her sides.

"Well that was very nice Rachel, thank you." Mr. Schuester stood and smiled, clapping lightly.

"Is that all? Puck and I have to go do things. And by things, I mean eachother." Santana said, quite annoyed.

"No, Rachel has something else to say, don't you?" Finn gave Rachel an encouraging glance, smiling faintly.

"Yeah, I did...Well, y-you all know how i've been these past few months."

"Quiet?" Quinn said, smirking. "That was a nice change."

"Something happened this summer." Rachel's voice quivered. More tears cascaded down her cheeks. She simply couldn't bring herself to say it. "F-Finn.." That was the last thing she said before she felt herself black out and fall heavily onto the floor of the stage. She'd passed out from the anxiety and stress of it all.

"God, someone pick up the dwarf." Santana got up and made to leave, but Kurt stopped her.

"No one is going anywhere until you know the truth." He looked over at Kurt and Mr. Schuester, who were reviving Rachel.

"Glee club is a family, right? Well lately _none_ of you have been much of a family to Rachel, including me and Finn. Have you not noticed how terrible she looks? You don't know what she went through this summer. You really don't. I can't imagine the pain she's still in, though it happened months ago."

"Would you just tell us what happened?" Puck asked, looking up at Kurt.

"Rachel was raped and beaten. Very badly, from what she told me." Kurt lowered his head and sighed. He stood up on the stage and looked down at Rachel, who was curled up in Finn's arms. "You want proof, look at her wrists. If that doesn't look like a broken person, then what does? She told me she was in Central Park when she was mugged and raped by two men, then left to die. And when she came home, she was so scared of how we'd react that she didn't tell anyone. I cannot believe all of you. Even you Mr. Schuester." Kurt said quietly. "I of all people should have understood her. She was bullied constantly. We **all** have seen Karofsky hit her, right? He punches her, hard."

Finn pushed Rachel's sleeves up to reveal the bandages. He slowly unwrapped them. By now, the whole club had gathered around Rachel on the stage.

Several gasps were heard as Finn reveled Rachel's scarred and sliced arms. They were slightly bloody, but looked like they were healing.

Rachel blinked several times as she registered what was going on. "Wh-What happened?" She looked at Finn, then quickly covered her arms, embarrassed.

Mr. Schuester simply stood there, his mouth agape. "Rachel...I'm so sorry. I-I had no idea. I honestly thought it was a phase."

"It's fine Mr. Schuester." Rachel said quietly. She was pale and shivering and Finn was beginning to think he should just take her home already. He stood, still holding her.

"Thank you." She said to Kurt. "I couldn't have done that."


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey! I love writing this story, just to let you know. It's so fun! Remember REVIEW! I love reading reviews! Especially ones with lots of writing. So, i'm going to ask you to tell me your favorite thing about the story so far (ANYTHING) and your least favorite thing (ANYTHING)! Thank you so much guys! **

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><p>"<em>Hey, come on pretty thing, don't you wanna have some fun with us?" Stanley spoke gruffly to Rachel as she tried to free herself from his grasp. <em>

"_No! Let go of me!" Rachel screamed, though her voice seemed like it wasn't working. The man seemed unaffected by her screaming. "Let me go!"_

_Suddenly, Stanley pulled out a sharp, silvery knife and traced along the lines of her face, then down her neck. He stopped right at her chest, exactly where her heart was, then BAM! He stuck it smooth into her. Rachel barely felt a thing._

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><p>Rachel was shaken awake by Finn, who had spent the night with her to ensure her safety. She was soaked with sweat and there were tear streaks down her cheeks.<p>

"Rach? What happened? Are you okay?" Finn asked, clearly distraught. He wasn't used to this kind of thing happening.

"It happens most every night Finn. They're just nightmares." Rachel laid back down after glancing at the clock. It was 2 AM.

"What are they about?" Finn asked her quietly. He slowly scooted closer to her, wanting to be near her. He felt scared for her and wanted to help, but she was being tortured inside her own mind. There wasn't anything Finn could do.

Rachel thought for a moment on whether or not she should say. He was a big boy, he could handle it right? "It's usually the same dream. But it always changes just a little. The men who hurt me, they've got me. And the one called Stanley always kills me." She spoke in a shaky voice, scared of his reaction. He was sensitive.

"Oh." That was all he said. He was so angry at the people who did this. They had caused her _this_ much pain. They had hurt _his_ Rachel. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

The small girl shook her head, but then raised an eyebrow. "You could give me a back rub." She smiled faintly and laid on her side, her back to him.

Finn merely smirked and began to rub her back softly. She was so tense, and he knew why. Always worried about things like the events over the summer happening again. He would never let that happen to her again.

Slowly, Rachel began to cry.

It wasn't her usual cry though. It was pained yet quiet. Rachel convulsed in silent sobs and let the tears roll down her cheeks. She was just beginning to realize that things were going to get better.

Finn kissed her shoulder gently then pulled her close as he breathed in her sweet smell. He didn't try and talk to her or ask her what was wrong, he simply held her and let her cry.

Soon, Rachel calmed down and flipped over in his arms then looked up at him. Her eyes glistened with leftover tears. He had always loved her big, brown eyes. They seemed so full of emotion and, these days, sorrow.

"Are you going to make me go to school today, Finn?" Rachel asked him.

"Not if you don't want to. To be honest, you're kind of a mess Rach. I think you should stay home." Finn said sadly.

"Why? So you can snuggle with me all day?" Rachel let the slightest of smiles show on her lips. Finn smiled at that question. There was his Rachel.

"Maybe..."

Eventually, Rachel fell back asleep in Finn's arms. Finn couldn't sleep, but he was perfectly content just watching her sleep so peacefully. She was an angel, pure and innocent in his eyes.

He then thought back to the events of the summer. How could someone be so cruel to do that? Rachel had dreams. Aspirations. Goals. And then two jerkbags had gone and ruined it for her. He couldn't bear the thought of someone hurting her, hitting her, _raping_ her. It killed him inside. He had to protect her, because she was _his._ He loved her for God's sake.

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><p>Hours had gone by, and maybe he'd fallen asleep once or twice, but as he heard her dads leave for work, Finn was wide awake. Rachel was still soundly sleeping, of course. Finn slowly edged himself out of the bed, trying not to wake Rachel. Thankfully, she didn't move.<p>

Finn walked to the kitchen quietly. Her house was silent, much different than his.

His feet padded along the smooth, dark wooden floor of the kitchen. He let out a long yawn as he searched her cabinets for coffee.

"Is coffee vegan?" Finn wondered aloud.

"Yeah, silly." Rachel smiled, leaning against the island in the center of the kitchen.

Finn's head snapped up. He was startled. "Oh, hey. I didn't mean to wake you." He smiled faintly at her.

"It's fine. I was going to wake up soon anyway." She sat down on a barstool as she watched Finn make the coffee for them. She breathed in the beautiful smell of rich hazelnut coffee. A smile broke out over her face as he began to get the ingredients out for Rachel's favorite vegan pancakes.

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><p>Every last drop was drunk and every pancake eaten. The two lay on Rachel's bed, flipping through the endless television channels. Rachel suddenly sat up and looked at Finn. She had a serious look on her face and she simply stared into his eyes. "I love you Finn."<p>

Finn was surprised at this. This was the first time she'd said it to him in a while. It was a very welcome surprise though. He was happy.

"I love you too." He replied.

There they lay, all day long. Finn had finally convinced Rachel to watch her favorite movie for the first time in months. So there they were, watching _Funny Girl._

At the end of the movie, Finn smiled down at Rachel. "Please promise me something."

She looked back up at him, an eyebrow raised slightly. "Anything."

"Sing more. Please. You have too much talent to waste it Rachel. I love you too much to let you go on like this."

Rachel nodded slowly. "I promise Finn." She said quietly, her voice smooth.

"And another thing." Finn said.

"Yes?"

"Next time...next time you feel the urge to..you know, cut...please call me. Anytime of the day, I don't care. Just call me before you do it." Finn sighed. "I want you to call me after too, if you do it. I want to know you're still alive. I can't lose you Rachel."

Rachel thought for a moment, then closed her eyes. "I promise, but I don't think you get it."

"What is there to get?" Finn wondered.

"I don't cut just to cut." Rachel's voice dropped to a whisper. "I cut to know that i'm alive. I need to feel physical pain because the pain...mentally, it's just too much. That's the only way I know to let it out. That and..." She stopped suddenly.

"And what Rachel?" Finn asked, frowning.

"that and drinking." She said in a barely audible whisper.

"Drinking? You drink?" Finn's eyes widened. He was angry, very angry.

"Not beer. Vodka is my choice drink. But again, you don't get it. I don't drink to be 'cool' or to feel 'better'. I drink because it takes me away from here. I can get away from here just for a little while. I forget everything for a while. It feels amazing."

Finn couldn't believe what he was hearing. She was so hurt, so pained, that she'd resorted to alcohol to relieve pain.

He had to help her.

"And Finn, another thing.."

"Yeah?"

"I still write music. I write lots of music. I just don't sing it." And at that, she pointed to a large drawer at her desk. Finn got up and opened it up, looking down at the sheet after sheet of paper, filled with lyrics and poems.


	9. Chapter 9

**HEYY! I'm back guys. I had a busy weekend. And plus, I wanted to build anticipation. Well, it's updated so yeah. REVIEW PLEASE!**

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><p><em>Wham!<em>

The familiar feeling of a cold, wet slushy greeted Rachel as soon as she stepped foot in Mckinley High School that Wednesday morning.

It had been about a week since her last Karofsky slushy. The laughter of David and Azimio was enough to make her burst into tears, but she had been through this before and had to stay strong.

After wiping the stinging slush from her eyes, she saw a familiar, friendly face.

"God Yentl, they got you good didn't they?" Santana's voice rang through her ears.

Rachel looked up at her as she opened her locker to retrieve fresh clothes. "What do you want Santana?"

Santana raised an eyebrow. "Whoa, I just wanted to help you. I saw you get slushied, and I thought you could use some help."

"Oh really? Where were you a week ago? Two weeks ago? I get slushied alot, Santana, and you never seem to want to help any other time. So why now?"

"I just figured.. I've been a bitch to you lately. Well, actually ever since we met, but I want to say.. I'm.." she sighed quietly. "I can't believe i'm saying this, but i'm s-sorry."

"You pity me, don't you? You just feel bad, right? Finn probably threatened you. I don't want your pity Santana. I get enough of it everywhere I go. I want you to genuinely be sorry, not just because you feel bad for me." Rachel frowned as she walked off to the girls' restroom, Santana following after.

"Listen Rachel, I do feel bad for you okay? But I am _truly_ sorry. I can't help but think that if you hadn't told anyone, that you would have killed yourself. And it would have been my fault. I teased you so much, and i'm sorry for that. I made your life a living hell." Santana grabbed Rachel's arm and looked at her, tears forming in her eyes.

Rachel looked up at her and sighed. "I accept your apology." She then retreated to a stall to change out of her sticky, soaked clothes.

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><p>The day passed slowly, and with each ring of a bell, Rachel became more and more afraid of the hallway. She had only one change of clothes, and she was wearing it at the moment.<p>

Glee club came and once again, Rachel found herself sitting in the familiar choir room. Only this time, it was different. All eyes were on her, or at least that's what it felt like.

"Alright guys, let's get started." Mr. Schuester said as he walked into the room, looking over the group of misfit teens.

"Sectionals is coming up...Anyone have any ideas? Rachel?" He sent a desperate glance in her direction. "Come on, I know you have _something._"

Rachel frowned slightly. "I don't have anything. I'm sorry."

Mr. Scuester let out a sigh and turned to the rest of the club.

"I don't understand why you're upset with me." Rachel bit her lip gently, looking over at Will.

"It's just, you haven't been pulling your weight at all in this club, Rachel. You used to be so adamant about this. We all know about what happened to you, but you can't use that as an excuse forever. Stop feeling sorry for yourself."

Rachel was angry now. Was he really saying all this? "I'm sorry I didn't immediately get better, Mr. Schue, but I don't think you understand the severity of the situation. You _can't _sit here and tell me that I should just be magically better now that the rest of the club knows. Has this ever happened to you? Any of you in here? No. It hasn't. You know nothing of what it's done psychologically to me, do you? Did any of know that I go to a shrink _every single day_ after school?" Tears slowly rolled down her cheeks and nose.

"So you know what? I quit Glee club. And something else," Rachel said whilst grabbing her things and walking to the door. "Fuck you. Fuck all of you."

Finn quickly got up and walked to Mr. Schuester, who was standing in shock. "I'm quitting too. You shouldn't have talked to her like that. She's fragile, you know?"

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><p>Finn rushed down the hallway and grabbed Rachel's arm gently. He pulled her into a hug and just rubbed her back. "I'm sorry he's such a dick."<p>

Rachel sniffed and nodded into his chest. "It's fine. I just can't believe I quit Glee club."

"Hey, it's what you had to do." He kissed her forhead softly. "Let's go, I have somewhere I think will make you feel better."

After a successful sneak out, Finn and Rachel were in his beat up old truck, the one that she loved, and on their way to Finn's mystery destination.

He parked in front of Waffle House.

With a smirk on her lips, Rachel spoke up. "I'm not sure if they have vegan options here."

"Oh, it's good food. You know you love waffles, Rach." He got out of the car and held her door open for her. "After you, my lady."

She smiled and got out, then walked into the rinky-dink restaurant. "I can't believe you brought me here. You _know_ I can't resist orange juice and waffles. Even if they aren't vegan."

"It's the perfect pick-me-up to a bad day. I come here a lot." He sat down at a booth, then pulled her in next to him, wrapping an arm protectively around her waist.

After ordering and making small talk for a few moments while their food cooked, Finn spoke up, a bite of bacon in his mouth. "So we really quit Glee didn't we?"

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Don't talk with your mouth full, but yeah. I guess we kinda did..." She sighed quietly, taking a tiny bite of her waffle. She felt bad for the baby chickens that had to die in order to make this waffle. And the cows who gave up their milk...

"Maybe we can join choir or something? Doesn't Mckinley have a drama class too?"

Rachel shrugged. "It won't be the same. But hopefully Mr. Schue and the rest of the club will get what I was saying and beg us to come back. I mean, we were the leaders. We carried most of the weight. You and I are the best in that club. They can't win without us."

Finn smiled. There was his Rachel, right there. "I know Rach. We are awesome. And if we don't end up going back, I promise I'll sing with you lots anyway. Just for the heck of it."

Rachel smiled and took another bite of her waffle. "Finn, I love you so much. Thank you for saving me from myself."

Finn leaned forward and kissed her softly then pulled away. "I love you too Rachel. I would save you every day if I had to."

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><p>Later, Rachel sat in her room, thinking about the day. She pulled out a bottle of alcohol and only downed half the bottle, much unlike most nights.<p>

She ran a bath for herself and stripped down, examining every inch of her tiny body. She inspected every mole, freckle, or blemish. She'd been losing weight since the incident and was down to 96 pounds. No one seemed to take notice either. Not that she cared much. She soaked in the bathtub till the water went cold, then contemplated drowning herself.

Suicidal thoughts never failed to implant themselves in her mind.

She decided against the thought though, and dried off.

After a quick swig of vodka, she fell into a peaceful slumber and dreamt of nothing in particular.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey readers. So I decided to make it longer this time. I love this chapter, I really do. As always, comments and reviews are greatly advised. Also, I hope I haven't made grammar errors. If I have, forgive me, for I am human. **

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><p>The weeks that followed Rachel and Finn's quitting of Glee club were lonely. Mr. Schuester had yet to apologize from Rachel, though most everyone in the club found some time out of their day to come and talk to Rachel. They tried to comfort her and get her to join the club again, but she was adamantly opposed to doing so. Not until she got an apology.<p>

By the third week, Finn was getting pretty upset that the club teacher hadn't even made a move to apologize to the girl he had so hurt. He decided that he needed to take care of that right away.

Marching down the hallway that Friday morning, Finn felt confident and strong. He felt like he could do anything today. As he approached Mr. Schuester's classroom, he thought over the words he was going to say inside his head.

Finn walked in and smiled awkwardly at the teacher. "Hey Mr. Schuester...Can I talk to you?"

Will stood up and nodded. "Sure Finn. What's up?" He asked, completely oblivious as to the reason why Finn was here.

"It's about Rachel. I just...I think you should apologize to her. She's still pretty upset. And she said she won't join Glee club again until you do. You need to..."

Mr. Schuester straightened up and looked at Finn. "I know what I said to her was wrong, and I know I hurt her, but she overreacted. I didn't tell her to quit Glee club, she did that on her own. And so did you. I'll apologize, but just know i'm doing it because we need the both of you."

"You really don't get it do you? Rachel was _raped_ over the summer Mr. Schue. She didn't ask to turn out like this. She's got alot of shit going on right now and she really doesn't need to be dealing with crap from other people. The people in New Directions were supposed to be her family. We were supposed to be there for her, especially you, but we all treated her like shit. Especially me." Finn felt himself getting worked up. He was so angered at the moment. He had to protect his girl.

"You know, you just go around thinking it's some sort of 'phase'. Well it isn't. Rachel is going through things I hope no one in Glee _**ever**_ has to go through. And she's gonna be dealing with them for a while, but we need to be there to help her. Ever since they found out, the Glee club has been so supportive and helpful. They've cared for her much more now, except you. And I don't get that Mr. Schue. You're supposed to be our leader, our rock, our teacher. Instead, you sit and watch. You don't understand at all. You don't like Rachel, do you? You just like her for her voice. And since she hasn't been using it as much as you'd like, you just decided you'd try and get rid of her. Huh?" He let out a long breath, glad he'd let that all out.

"F-Finn..." Mr. Schuester was at a loss of words. "I-I don't know what to say."

"Say sorry. And mean it, don't just say it to say it." Finn frowned and turned to walk away. He stormed out of the door, trying to cool down.

Next to the door leaned Rachel Berry. She had heard all of what he said, unknown to Mr. Schuester or Finn, and felt like crying. Her boyfriend, her amazing, sweet boyfriend, had stuck up for her like that. He truly did love her, and that was the best feeling in the world.

She'd thank him later for his chivalry.

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><p><em>Tap. Tap. Tap. <em>

Rachel tapped her pencil on her desk impatiently. She was ready to go home, or rather, to her therapy meeting, then home. The day had been long and she was ready for the bell to signal her freedom from her imprisonment.

Yet, as soon as the bell rang, she felt herself slowly getting up from her seat. Therapy meant talking, something she was good at, but didn't particularly want to do today. She moved to exit the classroom, but was stopped by none other than David Karofsky.

"Sup dwarf." He glared down at Rachel, something that wasn't uncommon, but felt unusually terrifying today.

"If you'll excuse me, I have somewhere I need to be." She looked up at him, her large brown eyes peering straight into his dark, sadistic ones.

"I don't think that'll happen today. You see, I am in need of services that you can offer me." He smirked at her and leaned against the doorframe of the empty classroom.

Rachel frowned slightly. "What kind of 'services'?" She asked him.

"You know, sexual ones. And if you don't comply, then i'll just have to make you. I hear you like bondage and dominance. Heard about you and New York. Two guys at once. Fucking slut. I never thought you had it in you, Berry. So, is that a yes or a yes?"

Rachel backed away from him quickly and bumped a desk. She was beginning to get extremely worried. "It's a no. And I-I have F-Finn on speed dial...S-So stay aw-ay.." She swallowed hard and watched him walked closer to her.

"I thought I said i'd make you, even if you didn't want to. Did I? I don't wanna do this much either, i mean, you aren't even sexy. But I heard you were easy so I thought i'd give it a go. Dumb slut."

As he advanced, she began to silently freak out, showing little emotion on her face. She hoped someone would walk past the slightly open door and see her. She wanted to scream, but her voice was broken, or so it seemed.

Her therapist had warned her about this happening. She said that if Rachel was ever threatened like this again. She said trying to fight would be of no help.

Rachel's fingers found her phone in her pocket and called Finn. Though she couldn't talk to him, he would hear what was going on and try to find her immediately.

Meanwhile, Finn was in the locker room, getting geared up for football practice. He heard his phone buzz inside his sports locker and picked it up.

He smiled a little when he saw the caller ID. "Hey Rachel."

After a few moments of silence, he spoke up again. "Rach? You there?"

Then, he heard something. Heavy breathing, it sounded like.

"_Now, are we gonna cooperate or are you just gonna stand there like the fucking whore that you are, Berry?" _

"_I said I didn't want to. Let me go Karofsky, please." Tears streamed down Rachel's face now, dropping one by one onto her sweater._

Finn froze. He knew what was happening. Karofsky, Rachel. This couldn't be good. He quickly rushed out of the locker room, running down the halls in search of his girlfriend.

"Rachel! Rach? Where are you!" He screamed. People on the football had begun to suspect Karofsky's sexual status lately, seeing as how he never seemed to have a girlfriend. Finn knew this was why he was doing this to Rachel. And Rachel seemed like an easy target, being a victim of a rape and all.

After many minutes of running and yelling, he found the classroom. He stormed into the room, knocking over many desks in the process of getting to Rachel.

Karofsky had her pinned against the wall, one hand up her skirt. Rachel's face exuded sheer terror and fear.

Finn had never been more angry in his life. He was half tempted to just beat the shit out of Karofsky until he died right there.

But Finn held himself back, slightly. He pushed David on the ground in a fit of fury and began beating him up, throwing punches this way and that, not stopping even to take a breath.

"You _**sadistic **__**asshole**_! HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU TOUCH HER!" Finn screamed at David, releasing some of the anger he felt. He went at it for a few moments longer until he felt a tender hand on his shoulder.

"Finn, stop. It's not worth it." It was Rachel's voice that stopped him. He shot one last glare at Karofsky before pulling Rachel close to him and exiting the classroom with her.

Their next step was to find Principal Figgins. Karofsky had to be expelled. This wasn't the first time he'd threatened a student here at Mckinley. Kurt had gotten death threats before.

Finn didn't release his grip on Rachel's hand until they made it to the main office. "Principal Figgins!" Finn said, exhausted from the running and the beating. "I need to report Dave Karofsky for attempted rape on my girlfriend.."

After all had been told to the principal, Mrs. Pillsbury, and Mr. Schuester, Rachel and Finn were escorted home by the police. David had been taken into custody. Finn hoped to God his good for nothing ass rotted in jail for what he did.

* * *

><p>Later that night, after a rigorous therapy session, Rachel lay in bed thinking. She was even more traumatized now than before. She heard a soft tap on her window, then another. She knew it was Finn.<p>

She helped him in and smiled faintly before kissing him softly. They didn't have to speak, they just knew what to do. Both laid down in the bed, curling up under the warm, fluffy covers until they fell into a deep slumber. Finn kept his arms protectively around Rachel the entire night, something that she didn't mind a bit.

They didn't have to say words to eachother because they were _tethered._ They knew what the other was thinking and feeling.

Rachel couldn't help but have her usual nightmares though that night. But when she awoke with a start, Finn was right there next to her, always helping her through the ugliness.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guysss! Big thank you to all of you! And sorry this chapter is weird. I didn't have any good ideas! Which means, REVIEW AND GIVE ME IDEAS!**

* * *

><p><strong>Grew up in a small town<strong>

**And when the rain would fall down**

**I'd just stare out my window**

**Dreaming of what could be**

**And if I'd end up happy**

**I would pray (I would pray)**

**Trying hard to reach out**

**But when I tried to speak out**

**Felt like no one could hear me**

**Wanted to belong here**

**But something felt so wrong here**

**So I prayed I could break away**

**[Chorus:]**

**I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly**

**I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky**

**And I'll make a wish**

**Take a chance**

**Make a change**

**And breakaway**

**Out of the darkness and into the sun**

**But I won't forget all the ones that I love**

**I'll take a risk**

**Take a chance**

**Make a change**

**And breakaway**

**Wanna feel the warm breeze**

**Sleep under a palm tree**

**Feel the rush of the ocean**

**Get onboard a fast train**

**Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)**

**And breakaway**

**[Chorus]**

**Buildings with a hundred floors**

**Swinging around revolving doors**

**Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but**

**Gotta keep moving on, moving on**

**Fly away, breakaway**

**I'll spread my wings**

**And I'll learn how to fly**

**Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye**

**I gotta take a risk**

**Take a chance**

**Make a change**

**And breakaway**

**Out of the darkness and into the sun**

**But I won't forget the place I come from**

**I gotta take a risk**

**Take a chance**

**Make a change**

**And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway**

* * *

><p>Rachel Berry sat down on the stage, resting her head on her knees. She let out a long sigh. It had been a while since she sang. <em>Really<em> sang. She heard footsteps and out stepped Quinn. She was the one person whom Rachel hadn't expected to see.

"That was beautiful, Rachel. Really. I've missed hearing your voice." Quinn smiled her usual smile. But this time, there was something else in her smile. Something _sad_.

"Quinn..." Rachel said, looking up from her place on the stage. "Wasn't expecting to see you."

"I came by to talk to you." Quinn sat down next to Rachel. "May I?" She asked, looking at Rachel with a sad look on her face.

"Sure, but..don't you hate me?" Rachel bit her lip and gave a confused glance in Quinn's direction.

"Hate you? No. I don't hate you." Quinn looked at Rachel. "I never really liked you Rachel. And I made your life hell. It wasn't just like Santana, making jokes about you and calling you names. No, I truly made it hell for you, didn't I? I wanted Finn so badly, because I didn't want you to be happy. You're so talented Rachel. I didn't think you deserved more than you had. I wanted Finn because I knew if I had him, i'd taken something you loved away from you. And that made me feel powerful, to have him."

Rachel sat, listening. All of it was true, of course. Rachel remembered the looks Quinn gave her once she and Finn began dating. Rachel remembered, yes.

"Then, when he broke up with me to be with you, I didn't understand why. Now I do. When I found out about what happened, I realized that I couldn't keep doing that to you Rachel. You needed someone to help you, and I knew Finn loved you more than he ever loved me. I see it every time he looks at you. The way he holds you, the way he kisses you, he never had that with me. I decided you needed to be truly happy, after all that has happened to you. You deserve him." She smiled faintly and looked up at Rachel.

"I don't quite know what to say Quinn. Other than thank you, I think."

"Don't thank me, I just wanted to tell you that. I'm glad I did. I want you to know that i'll always be there for you, no matter what okay Rachel?"

Rachel nodded and smiled. "Thank you Quinn. It means alot. And to be honest, I know Puck loves you. I can see it, even if you can't."

* * *

><p>Later that evening, Rachel smiled to herself, remembering the events of the day. She was very glad Quinn had made up with her. It made life so much easier. Her phone buzzed and she looked down at it.<p>

-Hey Rach, can I come over? 3 Finn-

She texted him back after peeking out the door to make sure both her fathers were fast asleep.

-Only if you bring me one of those vegan cookies I like so much from the store. 3 Rachel-

Finn smiled upon reading the message. He remembered how he'd bought her one a while back, and she wouldn't stop raving about them.

-No problem, love. I'll be over soon 3 Finn-

Rachel smiled and got up from her desk. She'd had a rather good day today. There was no threat of David Karofsky slushying her anymore. He'd been put in Juvy and was up for a jail sentence. She put her things in her backpack and smiled. She'd actually done, yes, _all_of her homework tonight. Rachel picked her room up a bit, putting laundry in the basket and kicking her shoes into her closet.

Then she saw it, the silver glint of the blade. She bit her lip as she walked closer to it. Should she do it tonight? Finn would be upset...

_No. I can't do this. Not tonight. _

_Rachel, you__had __such __a __good __day. __Don__'__t __ruin __it._

She picked up the piece of metal and put it in her bedside table drawer, then smiled to herself. She thought it was over, but the thoughts crept back into her mind.

_You __nasty __whore. __Everyone __hates __you, __remember? __The __only __way __you__'__re __going __to __feel __better __is __if __you __cut. __Just __cut. __It__'__s __better. __Don__'__t __you __want __to __be __better? __You__'__re __not __pretty, __so __what__'__s __a __little __self __mutilation __going __to __do, __Rachel?_

Rachel tried to push the bad thoughts away. She tried to remember how good her day had been, but then she began to see visions of Karofsky's attack, and the rape in New York. She heard her classmates call her names and push her, pick at her, _hate_ her. She couldn't stop herself.

But then she remembered what Finn had told her.

"_If you ever need to cut, just please call me before you do it."_

"_I will." _

Rachel picked her phone up. "Finn, please hurry. I can't stop it. I want to so badly, Finn. I have to c-cut."

"Rach, i'm coming, okay? I'll be there soon." Finn hung up the phone and drove frantically to her house. He didn't want to walk in on his girlfriend bleeding to death like he once had.

Not ten minutes later, Finn Hudson found himself sneaking into Rachel's house, running up the stairs, and entering her room.

His heart nearly stopped at the sight of her.

She was curled in a ball on the floor, blood pouring out of a long gash in her leg. "Shit Rachel." He picked her up and laid her on the bed, wiping up the blood with a towel. He knew where all the medical supplies were, so he quickly grabbed the first aid kit.

"Finn, i'm sorry. I-I couldn't stop myself from doing it." She sat up and helped him clean her leg up.

"I understand. I'm glad you called me. I got here just in time, seems like." He wrapped her leg up and sat on the bed next to her, handing her the vegan chocolate chip cookie he'd gotten. Her face instantly lit up.

"Thank you." She smiled, then kissed his cheek softly.

"Rach, can I ask you something?" Finn looked at her, a quizzical look on his face.

"Go ahead."

"What's it like, when you cut.. I mean, why can't you stop it?"

Rachel looked down at her bandaged leg and sighed. "I can't really begin to explain. It's just, I feel so much pain on the inside, and I have to let it out."

Finn laid down on her bed and turned her lamp off, content with the answer she'd given.

"You know, if I ever lost you, I'd cry harder than I ever have in my life. Tonight, when you said you were gonna cut, I got real scared Rach. And that time I found you bleeding to death, I was so scared for you." He held her close to him, rubbing her arm smoothly. "I don't know what i'd do without you. I love you too much."

"I love you too Finn." She smiled at him. "But how do I deserve you? I'm broken. I have too many problems. Why would you want me?"

"Because i've known i've wanted you since I first laid eyes on you in Sophomore year. I just never had the guts to tell you until now."

Rachel simply smiled and kissed him slowly on the lips, more passionately than she ever had before. There was so much love between them, it was crazy. Simply crazy. And even as Finn's fingers grazed over the scars on her forearms, she didn't pull away. She wasn't scared anymore, at least not of love. She knew Finn was hers forever.

He'd never leave her.


	12. Chapter 12

HELLO BABIESSS! I'M BACK! Miss me? I was on vacay for a while. And I had writer's block. Ew. Well, there's a MAJOR twist which I love in this one, so let me know what you think. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Sectionals was fast approaching and even though Finn and Rachel were no longer in Glee club, they could tell everyone in New Directions was super stressed. Their top performers had left, why shouldn't they be stressed?

Finn sat in his room thinking all this over late one tuesday night. He had just finished an intense round of video game warfare with Puck and really did not want to start on his homework just yet. Not that he ever _actually_did it. He usually got Rachel to help him do it.

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Everything had been going well, or as well as it could be in this situation. He decided to skip homework tonight and just sleep. And that's exactly what he did.

The next day, he and Rachel were making their way through the hallway after school. She held his hand in a firm grip as they passed by the choir room, then leaned against the wall of lockers.

"Finn.. Can I ask you something?" She looked up at him with her large, brown eyes.

He nodded quickly, "Of course, Rach."

She opened her mouth to speak then stopped. "I'm sorry. I forgot what I was going to say." She sighed.

"That's been happening alot with you lately. Are you alright?"

She moved to nod, then suddenly started to convulse, falling onto the ground. Finn panicked and yelled for help. He had no idea how to treat seizures.

"Rachel! Rach!" He yelled, trying to make her stop. She was twitching wildly, her back arching up in an unnatural position. Her eyes were rolling backward into her head and her arms were rigid and straight.

"Someone help!" Finn yelled, looking around. Just then, Mr. Schuester and the entire Glee club rushed into the hallway.

"Finn, back away. Don't touch her, you have to let the seizure finish." William Schuester knelt down next to Finn and pulled him away.

"But-"

"No, no. You'll only make it worse by trying to get her out of it."

Nearly ten seconds later, Rachel's body lay limp on the floor, her eyelids opening and closing a few times. She tried to sit up, but her whole body ached painfully.

She looked around quickly, then groaned in pain.

"My head hurts." Rachel said weakly, looking around at the shocked faces of everyone.

"Someone needs to call an ambulance." At that, Santana pulled her cell phone out and Brittany ran off in search of the school nurse.

Finn put an arm around Rachel and helped her sit up, pulling her close to him. Her eyes were red and bloodshot. What had happened and why had it happened so fast?

"Rachel, baby, are you okay? What happened?" Finn asked, worried.

"I just got really dizzy, and I didn't know what was happening. Next thing I know, i'm lying here and all of you are staring at me." She said quietly. Her eyes fluttered closed as she drifted in and out of her daze.

_Ringgg. Ringgg. RINGGGG! _

Phones ran incessantly in the hospital. Finn hated it, all the noises. He wished it was quieter. Rachel deserved at least that, didn't she? After all she'd been through? He wished he could just make it all stop for a moment, so she could rest.

He sat there in the cold, outdated chair in the emergency room, waiting for Rachel to get back from being tested. The doctors had been worried when they'd looked at her recent symptoms. They said they'd run many tests, and that was true. It'd been nearly two hours since he'd seen her last.

Mr. Schuester had waited for a while with him, but he had to get back to Emma. The other members of the club had obligations, and Rachel's dads were out of town for two days on a cruise. He was upset he was doing this alone, that _she_ was alone.

Again, no one cared enough to stay.

"Finn Hudson?" A nurse in a clean, white uniform announced.

"That's me" He said, standing up. "Is Rachel okay?"

"We've got her test results back, but she said she won't listen to them unless you're back there with her. So, would you come back?"

Without hesitation, Finn nodded. "Of course." The nurse led him back to a small private room in the ER. Rachel lay in the hospital bed looking tired and spent.

"Hi" She said, smiling a faint smile at him.

"Hey.. They have the results." He said whilst reaching out for her small hand. "Don't worry. Everything'll be fine."

She nodded slowly. "Alright." Rachel let out a long sigh as the nurse walked in, followed by Dr. Reynolds.

"Miss Berry, I have your results..." He looked at her, his face portraying no emotion whatsoever.

"And?" She asked him, wanting to go ahead and get it over with.

He lowered his head, then looked back up at her. "Not good. Not good at all. Your CT scan showed something...in your brain. We believe it to be a tumor. A malignant tumor, and it's pressing on your brain. Hence the memory loss and seizure."

At that moment, Rachel felt her throat closing up. Malignant, that meant cancer. Cancer? No. No. No.

She could no longer breathe. All she felt was Finns arms tightening around her and the doctor's voice fading off into the distance.

"A-Are you sure? Positive? 100%? It can't be cancer." She whispered, staring off into the distance in a haze.

"Miss Berry?" He said, after a moment or two. "We promise we're going to do everything in our power to heal you, but brain cancer is serious stuff. I'm going to write you a few prescriptions today and we'll have more consultations later in the week, alright?"

Rachel could feel herself nod. She looked up at Finn, tears already pouring out of her eyes. The doctor and nurse both left, sensing that the two wanted time alone to talk, or cry, rather.

"Rachel." Finn's voice filled her ears. He hadn't lost control yet. He had to be strong for her. How else would she make it through? "Babe, I'm here for you. I always will be. You're gonna be fine, okay?"

Rachel burst into tears, full out crying into his chest. How could this have happened? After all she'd been through, did she deserve this? She was just beginning to get better. Why now?

Why at all?

Finn walked Rachel into her house. She was still a little woozy from the drugs they'd given her. He handed her the multiple pills that Dr. Reynolds had prescribed and fixed her an ice cold glass of water. She downed them in an instant and sighed afterward.

"Stay here tonight, okay? You can go home and get your stuff, and tell your mother and Burt of course, but just stay with me tonight. I can't be without you for a second." She looked at him, her brown eyes bloodshot and tired.

He nodded without hesitation. "Of course. I'll be no more than ten minutes tops, okay?"

She nodded. "I'm gonna shower while you're gone." Then, she kissed him lightly on the cheek and sent him on his way. "Hurry back." And with that, he left.

Precisely 9 minutes and 32 seconds later, Finn Hudson walked through the back door of the Berry house. Thankfully, her dads were out of town, otherwise he'd be out of here.

"Rach?" He called, making his way to her room. "Here."

He smiled and walked in, noticing her sitting on her bed, a piggy bank resting in her lap. "I have something for you."

"Your piggy bank?" He asked, a little confused.

"There's $10,000 in here. I've saved every bit of money from every Hanukkah and birthday i've ever had. Plus, my dads always put a little in every year. I have a proposition for you."

He nodded slowly, taking in the amount of money she held in her hand. Ten thousand, wow. "Yeah?"

"I want to get an apartment with you. I want to live with you Finn. I've come to realize that my life may have been significantly shortened now that i've received this news. If I can't wake up next to you everyday, I don't know what i'll do Finn. I love you more than anything and I can't risk not being able to spend as much time with you as I can. Forget New York. I just want you."

Finn's eyes went wide. "Whoa, Rach. Think about this first. Forget New York? That's been your dream forever. Not that I don't love you or anything like that, I will love you until we both die, and even after that, but I can't let you give up. You're not going to die Rach. You can't. You just can't. What'll I do if you die?" Finn felt himself breaking slowly. He became unglued and a tear rolled down his cheek. "I just got you back. I just got you back."

And at that, Rachel pulled Finn into her arms and began to sob. The day had been stressful and hectic to say the least, and the news they'd received hadn't eased the stress at all.

"Baby, shh. I'm right here. I love you so much. I'm never leaving you. Ever. I will fight until I take my last breath for you." Rachel whispered into his ear. "I want to marry you, and have children. I want to give myself to you Finn. I love you too much not to. Please."

He nodded and kissed her deeply. "I'm so sorry this happened to you. I love you, and I want to give you whatever you want. Marry me, live with me, have babies." He smiled faintly, a sad yet loving smile.

"I will. But for now, let's sleep. I'm here, I'll be here in the morning, the evening, and the night." She held his hand tightly and crawled under the covers.

Finn held her all night long, tightly. He couldn't let go. This girl meant everything to him. Losing her would be losing his world. His life. His reason for waking up in this sick, sad world. She was the sun and he revolved around her.

How could he live without her?

But she was still here, and that was all that mattered at that moment in time.


	13. Chapter 13

Hey! Thank yall for the reviews! I love them! :) And NO rachel won't die (unless I change my mind)... I really like how this is turning out. Added a bit of a twist, eh? Lemme know what you think! Also, sorry if it's confusing to read.. the editor thing is being weird. It won't let me add line breaks things or bold things? Help?

"Dad...Daddy, please don't cry." Rachel looked up at her fathers as she sat on the couch in their living room. She wished Finn was here with her, but she knew he had an early morning football practice again.

"Our baby. Hiram, tell me this isn't true." Leroy was in tears, not even trying to contain himself. "This can't be happening."

Hiram shook his head, wiping his nose with a napkin. "Baby, she's going to be f-fine. She's a strong girl. She'll get through this."

Rachel nodded and put a hand on each of her fathers. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you immediately, but I didn't want to ruin your trip."

"There's our Rachel, always putting others first." Leroy smiled sadly at her.

"Dad, Daddy, I love you so much. I know i'm going to get through this." The men both nodded and sighed.

"Our baby... It's just happening so fast. We'll be here every step of the way too. Finn must be taking it awfully hard." Leroy looked up at her. The two men had grown to love Finn. They knew he was kind to Rachel and that he loved her, so they liked him.

"I think so, but he hides his emotions pretty well, so I can't be sure."

"He loves you more than anything Rachel. I know he's taking it harder than you think."

"I love him too daddy." She smiled. "And that's why I've asked him to come with me to my first round of Chemotherapy. I've decided that, as an almost 18 year old, I can make this decision myself. I don't need my fathers constantly protecting me. I want to do this on my own, with Finn."

"But Rachel, don't you-" Hiram started, but Leroy stopped him.

"She's right. She's a big girl and can handle things herself, but we're _always_ going to be there with you, in spirit. Don't think that you can't ask for help when you need it, because you can. Daddy and I are proud of you. We love you."

Rachel nodded and stood. She hugged them both then, after a quick goodbye, left for school.

"Watch it, dwarf!" The giggles of two hot, blonde Cheerios teased Rachel as they pushed past her on their way to the cafeteria. They shoved her hard into the wall, causing Rachel to spill her iced coffee down her front. Their laughter only intensified.

Holding back tears, Rachel rushed to the bathroom, only to be met by more teasers and taunters.

"Looks like someone had another spaz attack and spilled her drink. Poor baby Rochelle, or whatever your name is. Fucking loser."

A rather large boy pushed her against the locker while his friends merely watched. It seemed as though he'd taken over Karofsky's position at the school. After a few more shoves, they became more forceful. Rachel was full on crying. Then his friend spoke up.

"Hey, leave her alone. Remember what happened to that Karofsky kid? He was expelled... Your dad'll kill you. She's a girl. Girls are bitches. She'll tell."

The big jock merely rolled his eyes and shoved his friend then walked away.

Rachel took that chance to retreat into the bathroom to clean herself up. She looked down at her phone.

**-Hey, just wanted to say I love you. 3 F-**

Rachel couldn't help but smile at that. He was just too sweet.

**-I love you more, handsome. 3 R-**

She fixed herself up quickly then looked at the reflection staring back at her. Her new medicines had been keeping her up at night, so her eyes had dark, purple bags under them. Her appetite had also been suppressed, so she was thinner and smaller looking than usual. Finn would be worried. He worried too much.

But then again, he was one of the only ones who cared enough to worry.

The day was miserable at best, that is, until she saw Finn. She smiled a wide grin at him and embraced him in a hug. "Hi Finn."

Finn smiled back at her. "Hi." He smiled at her. "Am I going with you to the doctor this tomorrow?"

"I'd really love for you to."

"I'll be there. Every moment, every appointment, holding your hand." He smiled.

Her heart melted right then and there. Rachel knew she was going to love this boy for as long as she lived.

Rachel looked around nervously as she sat in the hospital chair, clutching Finn's hand tightly. The time was exactly 7:42 AM and the process officially began at 8:00 AM. In total, it would take six+ hours to complete the thirteen step process of the first treatment. Rachel was not looking forward to sitting here all day long, a needle jabbed in her arm. But, she had Finn with her.

It put her more at ease.

His face was solemn. She was unable to tell if he was sad or merely content. She knew without a doubt that he was worried. He'd said it over and over to her. Then suddenly, he blurted out.

"Rach, I'm kinda worried. What if this doesn't work?" His eyebrows creased into a frown as he looked at her.

"It'll work. I promise. They wouldn't be doing this to me if they didn't think it would work." She stroked the back of his hand with her thumb slowly.

Just then, her nurse walked in. She was short and squat with a round face and curly, brown hair. In a way, she was the picture of any American housewife. Probably had a loving husband and two point five children at home.

She gave a quick smile to Rachel before putting the heating pad around her arm. This was to ensure dilation of the veins and make them easier to find and cannulate.

So there she sat, for half an hour with that thing on her arm. This was a new process for Rachel.

She didn't know what to make of it.

Eventually came the part with the needles. That took a _while_.

Finn simply sat, holding her hand the entire time. Six whole hours, his hand never left hers (except for bathroom breaks, of course).

After it was all over, completely finished, Finn stood, helping a very weak Rachel out of the chair. She looked frail and fragile, like she could wither away at any moment.

"Finn, stay at my house tonight." Rachel said, looking up at him.

He nodded and helped her into the car. Before the door closed, though, Rachel leaned out the car door and threw up. A terrible, yet unavoidable side effect of Chemotherapy. Finn only hoped the hair loss part would come much, _much_ later. Rachel loved her hair.

He cleaned her up and handed her a bag if she needed it. She looked up at him sadly.

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. You haven't done anything wrong at all." Finn smiled his usual, goofy smile at Rachel. He knew that always made her smile. And it worked. Her face lit up in a small, but sincere smile.

Rachel was up all night puking. She hadn't anything left in her stomach, so it was basically just dry heaving. Finn felt terrible. He knew it wasn't his fault, but he hated seeing her go through this. He hated it more than anything. And he knew it was only going to get worse.

He knew what he had to do to get her even semi-happy again though.

Get back into Glee club.

Finn knew they would probably be welcomed back. Mr. Schue would apologize or something. And the whole club would feel sorry for Rachel once they heard the news.

He knew she wouldn't like that, but he also knew she wanted to sing again. She _needed_ to sing again.

He lay there, rubbing her back slowly up and down. He hummed tunes to her favorite songs, and Funny Girl was on a loop on her television. Rachel's dads had picked up roses for her. Two different colors. They had also gotten her a beautiful new Tiffany necklace.

Then it hit him.

He had a certain piece of jewelry to purchase within the next week. He'd get the funds somehow, but he knew he had to do this. Why wasn't it obvious before? With her dads permission, she could legally marry him. And he was 18, so he didn't need permission.

Somehow, Sometime within the next week or so, Finn Christopher Hudson was going to propose to Rachel. He just knew it.

It seemed like the most logical thing. Neither of them could be certain of how much time she had left, and he didn't want to make the mistake of never getting the chance to show her how much she truly _meant._

He laid there in bed, mapping out a plan.

He'd marry her, buy a house, and have a baby with her.

Now came the hard part, talking to her dads about all of this.


	14. Chapter 14

(SOMETHING IS STILL WRONG WITH THE EDITOR THING? I'm kinda mad. But anyway, here is your chapter. PLEASE REVIEW!)

Finn glanced nervously at the clock in his truck. He was outside Rachel's place, trying to get up enough courage to go and get her. They had a date tonight, one that was particularly important to Finn.

He sat in his old truck, thinking over the events of the day. It was a Monday. The start of a new week.

The Glee club had been very supportive of Rachel since they learned of her condition. They had begged Finn and Rachel to come back to the club, and eventually they both did. Finn was happy to see that Rachel had actually enjoyed her day back at school and Glee club. He could tell she had missed it alot.

Rachel's hair had begun to thin considerably. It had not started falling out though, which was good. Finn knew Rachel would probably freak once it started to actually _fall__out_.

He sighed as he turned the little velvet box over in his hand. He opened it to examine the tiny, yet intricate and beautiful diamond engagement ring inside. It was all he could afford at the time, but he had made a mental note to buy her a nicer one once he'd saved enough.

Finally, he got out of his truck. He made sure the small box was securely placed in his jacket pocket and made the short walk to her front door.

This was happening. Now.

He knocked nervously. Why was he so nervous? It was only Rachel. She'd love it. She'd say yes...He hoped.

Leroy answered the door, smiling widely at Finn. "Come on in. Rachel will be down in a minute. Hiram, Finn's here. Come say Hi." Leroy looked back at his partner who had just exited the kitchen.

He flashed a smile at Finn. "Finn! How nice to see you! Take care of her tonight okay?" He leaned in close to Finn. "You have the ring, right?"

Finn nodded. "Yes sir. I've got it right here." Finn had talked with her dad a few days prior to this date and asked for their permission. After alot of convincing and begging, they'd said yes.

Just then, Rachel walked downstairs. She smiled hesitantly at Finn, as if she were just as nervous as him. Though, she had no knowledge of what he was going to ask her tonight. She looked beautiful. Her chocolate brown hair was curled to perfection and she wore an elegant red dress. It was elegant, yet exactly like something that Rachel would wear. It had ruffles and buttons. Exactly what Rachel liked.

Finn smiled a large smile at her and walked over. He hugged the small girl gently and kissed her softly.

"You look so beautiful tonight."

"Thank you.. You don't look too bad yourself." She smiled at Finn, running her fingers through her hair.

Leroy and Hiram smiled at the two then Hiram spoke up. "Have her home by midnight, please."

Finn nodded. "Yes sir."

Rachel and Finn had a lovely dinner at Breadsticks, then went to the park for the 'surprise' Finn had promised Rachel. They walked, hand in hand, until Finn stopped.

"Rach, I-um.. I wanted to give you your surprise now." Finn smiled at her nervously then stood directly in front of her. He pulled the box out and bent down on one knee, opening the box before her.

"Rachel Barbra Berry, I have loved you since the first time I met you. I just didn't know it. I love you so much, and I want you to be mine. Would you marry me?" Finn looked up at the shocked face of his girlfriend.

Rachel didn't know what to say. She was so shocked and excited. Sure, they'd talked about it a little, but she never actually thought he'd propose. She felt a tear roll down her cheek then nodded. "Yes."

Finn stood up and placed the ring on her finger. She examined it and smiled. It was perfect. The most perfect ring anyone could ask for. "Oh Finn! It's beautiful!" Rachel threw her arms around him and hugged him as tightly as her frail body would allow.

"I love you so much Finn. I'll marry you. Yes."

Finn smiled. "I love you too. Thank you." He held her close and rocked back and forth. His plan had worked! She said yes!

Of course Finn slept over that night. It was becoming a habit of theirs; to have him sleep over. Finn didn't mind, of course. He loved that her dads supported them. They _knew_ Finn would never try anything with Rachel until she was ready because of what she'd been through. Several times, they had been close, but Rachel had flashbacks of the rape and had to stop.

Each night, Rachel would fall asleep for a while, and wake up to terrible, horrible nightmares. Finn hated seeing her like that. He wished he knew how to make it stop, but it didn't.

Tuesday morning, Rachel woke up in Finn's strong arms. She smiled to herself and rolled over, tracing her finger over the details of his face. She studied him closely. In just a few short months, he would be hers. She was going to be Mrs. Finn Hudson, and she couldn't be happier.

Finn blinked his eyes open and smiled groggily. "Morning love."

"Good morning." Rachel said, smiling contently. She twirled a bit of his hair in her fingers and smiled. Suddenly, she was hit with a wave of nausea. No, it wasn't _morning_ sickness. It was _chemo_sickness.

These side effects were really starting to bug her.

She got up and ran to the bathroom before emptying the contents of her stomach out into the toilet.

"Damn it. I thought i'd made it a whole day." She sighed after she was finished. Finn stood behind her, holding her hair back. He let it fall and wiped her face with a wet wipe, then handed her toothbrush to her.

She had gotten used to brushing her teeth over 5 times a day now, more at nighttime.

"I'm gonna take a shower." Finn said. "Do you need to take one first?"

Rachel bit her lip. "Why don't we share? I mean, it'll save water." She smiled.

Finn thought it over. Sure, the idea sounded _amazing_, but he didn't want to pressure her into doing anything she didn't want to do. She was still broken, after all.

"Are you sure?" Finn said, kind of worried. He knew Rachel had been feeling bad lately about never giving him anything or putting out for him. But Finn completely understood. His mind wasn't even on that most of the time. It was on the healing process of the girl he loved. He wanted her better before he did anything.

"I'm sure. I just want to be close to you." Rachel then turned the shower water on and slipped her, or rather, Finn's, large tee shirt off and then pushed her underwear down. She was comfortable near Finn. She figured since she couldn't give him everything just yet, that she would just give him a little something this morning, for what he gave her last night.

Finn couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. She was tiny, but incredibly gorgeous. He watched as she disappeared into the shower and he stripped completely before following after.

After the shower, Rachel proceeded to puke once more then get dressed for the day. She pulled on a thick sweater and jeans. Finn looked at her a little funny.

"You know it's supposed to be like 80 degrees today, right?"

Rachel nodded. "I just get so cold." She'd been having a hard time regulating her body temperature, since there was virtually no fat on her anymore. She was losing weight from the chemotherapy.

Finn nodded and kissed her forhead gently before getting dressed himself.

The two got into Finn's truck and made their way to what was Rachel's own personal hell. So many things had happened there, it was a wonder she was still able to go.

Rachel sat in the truck, just thinking. It was silent, but a comfortable silence. Her fingers lingered over her forearms. She hadn't cut in over a week. That was a great record for her. Sure, she still had to drink a little on nights Finn wasn't there, but the cutting was getting better.

Rachel still thought about suicide daily, of course. Once you attempt it, you can't ever get it out of your mind. She didn't _want_ want to think about that anymore, but she couldn't seem to get it out of her mind.

Her dads had gotten her a new therapist, since the other one didn't seem to do much in the way of healing her. She now went every day after school and on Saturday afternoons. It was miserable, she thought. She knew it helped, but she hated it.

The truck came to a stop and out stepped Rachel and Finn. He held her hand gently as they went inside. Just before entering, however, Finn looked down at Rachel.

"I love you." He smiled.

Rachel smiled back at him, then glanced down at the beautiful stone resting on her finger. "I love you more."


	15. Chapter 15

**This chapter is kinda short and boring, but i liked it alot. :) Thank you so much for the reviews and keep them up. Let me know if you like the wild change in the story. We went from suicide to brain cancer. Are you happy? not happy? What can I change? What is good? Let me know people! I want to please you!**

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><p>Rachel had just gotten home from an intense therapy session. It seemed like Thursday were the hardest days to get through, since they discussed everything that happened throughout the week, particularly what happened on Wednesday.<p>

Wednesday had been another chemo day. It was round three, which meant her hair was now falling out constantly. She cried herself to sleep every single night, and when she slept, she didn't sleep well. It was nightmare infested and scary. Luckily, Finn was always there to comfort her. By now, their families had agreed to let Finn stay over whenever, or let Rachel stay over. They understood, given the circumstances.

All day Wednesday, Rachel puked. She had another seizure, and passed out as well. _That_ scared Finn immensely. The doctors said it was 'normal' for a brain cancer patient though, given the fact that she had a tumor in her brain.

Rachel's memory was also worsening. Short term was the worst. He would tell her something one day and she wouldn't be able to remember it the next. It was like alzheimer's, except she was only 18.

Thursday at school had been miserable for her. Everyone, except the Glee club, had stared at her like some three headed alien. First she was a slut, now an alien. When would the bullying end? When she got fed up enough and killed herself?

But the question was, would they even care if she did? Would they even regret it the tiniest bit?

**No.**

And now, as she sat in her room, thinking all this over, she felt ashamed. She was so weak, and they were strong. She was bound to break sooner or later.

She had Finn though.

That night, she slept restlessly, getting up only once to vomit. Finn dutifully held her hair back and then rubbed her back as she fell back asleep.

He wondered to himself if she'd be well enough for tomorrow's sectionals competition. Rachel would be singing the solo, so of course she would go, well or not. Naturally, being Rachel, she would refuse to stay at home and miss an opportunity to since, cancer or not.

Bright and early the next morning, New Directions waited outside in the chilly air to load the bus. Rachel had a pink silk scarf around her head. She was embarrassed, and yet the entire Glee club had made a point to tell her she looked beautiful today.

That made her heart swell with joy. They cared? They cared.

Rachel held Finn's hand loosely in hers. She'd brought every type of medicine she thought she could possibly need. She was determined not to get sick or have to leave, though she knew she should probably be at home in the bed.

Rachel sat at the front of the bus, her head resting comfortably on her fiance's. It felt strange to think of him in that way, but that's what he was. Her fiance.

"Hey, Rachel, how ya feelin?" Mr. Schuester looked down at Rachel, smiling. He had become alot kinder to her after learning of her condition. Whether that was out of pity or sheer want, she knew not. But she wasn't complaining.

"I'm fine I suppose. Just tired is all."

Mr. Schue nodded. "Great. I'm really looking forward to hearing you sing today. I think we all are."

Mercedes nodded and spoke up. "I know I am. I know you're gonna kill it, Rachel."

Rachel smiled. "Thank you. I'm rather excited myself. I haven't sung in a while." She lowered her head. Finn rubbed his thumb softly over the back of her hand.

The rest of the ride was quiet. Rachel tried to sleep a little. The bus wasn't bad at all. The school had saved some money and gotten them a charter bus, mainly because of Rachel's condition. Everyone knew she'd get sick on a dirty, yellow school bus.

Quinn and Puck sat together. They had recently gotten together, and after Quinn's heart to heart with Rachel a while ago, they had become better friends.

The bus arrived at the theater. Rachel could hardly contain her excitement. She had missed singing and performing more than anyone could imagine. It felt great to be back on familiar territory.

"Alright guys, let's just go in there, get ready, and show them what we've got!" Rachel yelled once they were off the bus. She was feeling more like her old self.

"With me singing the solo, we're a shoe in for first place." No one so much as rolled an eye. As much as they hated to admit it, the New Directions had _missed_ Rachel's selfish, yet upbeat pep talks.

Finn stood behind Rachel, who was trying to figure out what to do with her hair. He was dressed and ready, looking extremely dapper. Rachel loved it. She sighed, though, a little upset.

"What's wrong, babe?" Finn said, frowning. "You hurting?"

Rachel shook her head. "Only emotionally. What am I going to do with my hair? Or whatever you call this?" She held up the thin strands that were left on her head.

"Didn't you bring a scarf to match the dress?" Finn asked, rummaging through his bag, looking for it.

"I did, it's right here, I just...I'll look so different and stupid." Rachel pouted, about ready to burst into tears.

Finn pulled her into a hug. "Rachel, you look beautiful. I swear."

She smiled, but she didn't believe it. Apparently, Quinn had overheard and looked down at Puck's electric razor that lay on the countertop. She picked it up and thought for a moment.

Then, in a few swift movements, Quinn's short hair was completely gone.

"Hey, Rachel, how many scarves did you bring?" Quinn looked down at her. Rachel gasped, her eyes widening. Finn looked up and sharply inhaled. "Q-Quinn?"

"What the hell did you do! That was your hair, Quinn! You can't just shave it off for no reason!"

"I did too have a reason. It was for you. To show you that you aren't alone. And that you're beautiful." Quinn smiled as she finished shaving her head completely bald. One by one, the girls and guys of New Directions shed their locks.

Rachel had always been a meticulous packer, and since she hadn't known for sure what the outfits would look like, she'd packed about seven or eight silk scarves that she wore on her head. That meant that there was a scarf for each of the girls. The guys would be bald.

So there they stood, bald and scarved. Rachel smiled around at everyone, trying to hold back tears. They were true friends.

"Rachel we love you." Quinn said, looking at Rachel.

"I love you guys too, now let's kick some ass!" Rachel laughed and they all made their way backstage.

As was customary, Finn kissed Rachel gently before she went on stage. "Break a leg. You're gonna kill it out there."

Rachel flashed one quick smile and then walked onto the beautiful, black stage.

She hadn't realized how much she'd actually missed singing until now.

She took the microphone and stood center stage, then after a deep breath, began her song.

It was dedicated to Finn, of course.

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><p><strong>Heart beats fast<strong>

**Colors and promises**

**How do be brave**

**How can I love when I'm afraid**

**To fall**

**But watching you stand alone**

**All of my doubt**

**Suddenly goes away somehow**

**(Pre-chorus)**

**One step closer**

**(Chorus)**

**I have died everyday**

**waiting for you**

**Darling, don't be afraid**

**I have loved you for a**

**Thousand years**

**I'll love you for a**

**Thousand more**

**(Verse 2)**

**Time stands still**

**Beauty in all she is**

**I will be brave**

**I will not let anything **

**Take away**

**What's standing in front of me**

**Every breath, **

**Every hour has come to this**

**(Pre-chorus)**

**One step closer**

**(Chorus)**

**I have died everyday**

**Waiting for you**

**Darling, don't be afraid**

**I have loved you for a**

**Thousand years**

**I'll love you for a **

**Thousand more**

**And all along I believed**

**I would find you**

**Time has brought**

**Your heart to me**

**I have loved you for a **

**Thousand years**

**I'll love you for a**

**Thousand more**

**(Pre-chorus x2)**

**One step closer**

**One step closer**

**(Chorus)**

**I have died everyday**

**Waiting for you**

**Darling, don't be afraid,**

**I have loved you for a**

**Thousand years**

**I'll love you for a**

**Thousand more**

**And all along I believed**

**I would find you**

**Time has brought **

**Your heart to me**

**I have loved you for a**

**Thousand years**

**I'll love you for a **

**Thousand more**

[From: . ]

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><p>After she finished it, the entire audience stood and gave her a standing ovation. She hoped it wasn't out of pity, but she had to admit, the song was amazing.<p>

Then, one by one, the members of the club walked onstage. The crowd clapped more.

"Ladies and gentlemen, New Directions!" Rachel yelled, smiling.

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><p>At the end of the competition, New Directions had been awarded first place. They cheered Rachel on profusely, telling her what an amazing job she'd done.<p>

The best part of it all though, was the selfless act they'd done. They had shed their hair not only to tell her they cared, but to make a point.

You don't have to look like everyone else to be beautiful.

Rachel was living proof of that.

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><p><strong>REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW <strong>


	16. Chapter 16

**ALRIGHT... First off, let me say HAPPY THANKSGIVING:) ANd also, thank you for the reviews and stuff! I love this story so much, and it's so much fun to write! Okay, and as for that one review...i think we all know which one...that is nasty. Alright? PLEASE submit LEGITIMATE reviews. I'm trying to improve my writing and the story, so tell me what you want to read!**

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><p>Rachel looked around, slightly worried. She was sitting on a cold, metal bench at a bus stop. It was late and the sky was a dark, cloudless gray. The sun had gone long ago, and the wind blew restlessly. It was freezing out. Snow fell slowly to the ground.<p>

She didn't know what she was doing there, and she was scared. The last thing she remembered was going to her therapy appointment, then back home. But she'd forgotten the way home, and where she parked. Rachel eventually wandered to the bus stop and sat, crying nonstop. She didn't remember how to get home.

A large, green city bus stopped. Rachel got up slowly and made her way onto it, thankful for the shelter from the elements. Her head was cold. The thin scarf she'd worn didn't protect her much.

Rachel knew being on the bus wasn't good for her. She was highly susceptible to infections from the Chemo and a city bus isn't exactly the cleanest place.

She paid the change required and took a seat in the back, not glancing up at all. A man, maybe twice her age, eyed her suspiciously. Rachel was very scared now. She was beginning to wonder if she'd made a mistake, but this seemed the only way. She decided that at the first stop, she'd get off. And so she did.

The street was dimly lit. It was unfamiliar to Rachel. She glanced up at a sign for a store. It read: Lima Heights Day Care. Everywhere she looked it was "Lima Heights" this or "Lima Heights" that. This wasn't good at all.

From what Santana had described, this place was crawling with drug dealers and predators. A young girl like Rachel wasn't supposed to be here alone.

She heard a sound behind her and turned around. It was the man from the bus.

"Hello there young lady. Are you lost?" He asked her, walking closer.

"No sir, i'm just on my way to my husband's apartment. We live just over there." Rachel glanced to an apartment building. Her therapist taught her how to do this. Just lie. Make up lies. "He's a c-cop." She added quickly.

"Oh, well, would you like me to walk with you then? There's an awful lot of men here who would like to hurt you.." The man walked closer. He was scruffy and old. He stank of stale beer and cheap cigarettes.

Rachel shook her head quickly. "I'm fine, but thank you."

"Come on now, let me help you." He grabbed her arm tightly and held it. "Don't be rude, baby."

"Don't call me that, and let go." She was stern and tried to pull away. She easily broke free of his grip, due to his drunkenness, and turned, walking off quickly.

"Come back here! You bitch!" He chased after her and she began to run faster. "God damn it!" He grabbed the collar of her woolen pea coat and pushed her to the ground. "I don't wanna fuck you, I wanna kill you. But I might just do both!"

Rachel screamed loudly, trying to get up, but the man sat down on top of her tiny body, crushing her underneath his weight. He began to rip her clothes off on by one.

She began to have flashbacks of the night in New York City. This was almost exactly the same, except it was only one man compared to two. When she got home, _if_ she got home, Finn would be furious. Or would he? Would others blame her? Would they say she was stupid for getting herself in the same exact situation? Would they think it was only for attention? She hoped not.

Rachel's face was pressed against the rough ground of a back alley in West Lima Heights. The sky was pitch black and the streets were silent, except for the quiet screams and whimpers that escaped her mouth. All she could think of was Finn and how worried he must be.

When it was all over, Rachel lay in a pool of her own blood. Her face was streaked with tears and her ankle was surely broken. She was weak, not only from the chemotherapy, but now from this. She leaned over slowly and vomited before sitting up. Her clothes were strewn haphazardly all around, torn and dirty. She dressed herself as quickly as she could, then stood, stumbling off to the bus stop.

As soon as she sat down, she began having a violent seizure. Every muscle ached and tensed, causing her to fall on the ground and twitch. Finally, someone emerged from the darkness. A woman knelt down and helped her.

She regained composure and tried to sit up.

"No, no se siente, don't sit up. I help you." The old woman helped Rachel up and to sit on the bench. She then waited patiently for the bus. "I take you to hospital. You are hurt, no?" She asked. She was clearly hispanic, her dark hair and dark eyes making that obvious. She had wrinkles all over her face, but it was kind and caring.

Rachel could only nod. She had no words, but she was ever thankful for this angel sent from God. Rachel closed her eyes and cried silently in the woman's arms.

What happened after that was mostly a blur. Rachel was so out of it that she couldn't really recall what happened on the bus ride to the ER. All she could remember was the old woman who helped her.

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><p>Once there, Rachel was immediately tended to. A nurse asked Rachel, once she was coherent enough to respond, if she would like a rape kit done. She nodded yes a thousand times, then thought of Finn.<p>

"I want Finn. I want my fiance. I want my fiance. Someone please, get Finn." Rachel repeated over and over. The nurse nodded and left.

Only ten minutes had passed since she'd been there, and there he stood, watching his love. She was badly hurt, and he couldn't help but feel like it was his fault.

He stood next to her bed and reached out for her hand. She lovingly gave it to him.

"Hi." She said, her voice raspy. "I'm glad you came."

He smiled sadly and bent and kissed her. "I love you so much. I'm so sorry this happened to you." He sighed and grabbed her hand. Then, the doctor walked in. Finn was surprised to see that it was her cancer doctor.

"Mr. Hudson, Miss Berry." He walked over to them.

"Dr. Reynolds..?" Finn asked. "Is everything okay?"

"I actually came with some good news and some bad news.."

"Bad news first." Rachel said quickly. "Please."

Dr. Reynolds nodded and looked through Rachel's file. "Well, as you know we've been doing some intense chemotherapy. Unfortunately, it's not working as well as we thought it would."

Finn frowned quickly. "What! You mean to tell me she went through all that hell just for you to tell her it was worthless?" He practically yelled.

Dr. Reynolds shook his head. "No, the chemo did help, just not as much as we previously thought. So, the bad news is, we're going to have to do surgery. Your condition was worsened with the trauma. It's been getting gradually worse, hence the memory loss. Miss Berry has very bad short term memory because of the illness. Chances are she won't remember this conversation. But we're doing everything in our power to try and fix that. We're prepping the OR now."

"W-What? Now?" Finn could hardly breathe he was so scared. He didn't know what to say or do. "She can't have s-surgery."

"Finn. Finny, I'll be fine." Rachel said in a calm, soothing voice. "Don't worry baby." She grabbed Finn's hand and held it. In all honesty, Rachel was just as scared, if not more. In a few short minutes, her skull would be sliced. She would be out like a light.

"I promise I'll be fine. But you know...if anything /ever/ happens...I love you okay?"

"Rachel don't talk like that. You'll be f-fine." Finn stuttered. He was so scared. He had to call the Glee club. Their support would be much needed.

"Mr. Hudson, Miss Berry, we're ready when you are." A nurse said from the doorway. Rachel nodded and looked up at Finn.

"I'll be fine. You just be thinking of what kind of groom's cake you want at the wedding, alright?"

Finn smiled sadly and watched as they wheeled Rachel off. He felt so bad for the poor girl. She had been through so much. She was broken beyond repair.

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><p>After 7 12 long, boring, worrisome hours, Dr. Reynolds finally came into the waiting room. Finn nearly rejoiced at the sight of him. He hoped it was good news. The whole Glee club, including Mr. Schuester and Miss Pillsbury, had shown up, along with Burt and Carol and Rachel's dads. They all waited anxiously to hear the news.

"Well, the surgery went well. Everything went smoothly as planned and Miss Berry is in recovery waiting on you all to visit, but only one at a time, alright? She's very tired, so we'll limit visitors tonight to family only.

"I-I'm her fiance.. Do I count?" Finn asked, hoping he'd say yes.

"Yes. I suppose so. Well, she's room 214, if you'll follow me."

Finn looked around the recovery unit as they walked through to Rachel's room. This unit was reserved specifically for cancer patients. It was so sad, seeing all of the ill people. Any one of them could be Rachel. There were people of all ages, shapes, and sizes here. Children were the worst. They looked as if they were dolls, laying lifeless on beds.

Finn entered Rachel's room quietly. He heard the beeps of various machines. Machines that kept his love alive. The room smelled of clean, something he didn't get too often. He nearly died at the sight of her. She looked terrible, to say the least, but in his eyes she was still as beautiful as ever.

"Hi." He walked over to her and picked up her hand. She looked up at him and flashed him a weak smile.

"Finny." Rachel said quietly. Finn was the only person in the room, since the doctor had said only one at a time. He never wanted to leave her side again.

"Rach. You look like hell, but you're still gorgeous. You've had a rough day."

She frowned slightly. "I have?" She said, her voice raspy.

"Well yeah, you know what happened earlier and all. Listen, I'm really sorry about that. I'm never leaving your side again. I should have been with you."

"W-What happened earlier? What are you talking about?"

"Y-You know, the ra-" Dr. Reynolds stopped him. He leaned down and whispered into Finn's ear.

"She has no memory at all of that. It's the tumor pressing down on that part of her brain. We've managed to remove some, but it's still pretty bad."

Rachel closed her eyes and soon fell asleep. Chances were, she wouldn't remember today or yesterday at all, ever.


	17. Chapter 17

**Sorrrrrryyy this is forever late! I've been so busy lately! I have finals anf stuff, but i promise to update more often! Okay...So, I have some news. I might...um...let Rachel die. Is that okay? This story is going to end soon anyway, and i'll definitely be writing more stories (involving Rachel, of course!) so you won't have to worry about that, but I think it would just make it all the more emotional, with Finn and all. I'll do maybe 2 more chapters after this and an epilogue... REVIEW PLEASEEE! I promise to make the next chapter amazing if you review alot!**

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><p>She really didn't know what to make of it all. The stitches, the bandages, and the medications are all just too much for her. Rachel had no words to describe the mountain of emotions she felt as she looked into the mirror for the first time in two weeks.<p>

It had been two weeks since the single worst day of her life.

Memory loss, getting lost, rape, and brain surgery. All in one single day.

The doctors said it would get better, after the surgery. She would be stopping chemo soon, which she was glad about. Her treatments were almost up.

It had been officially 6 months since she found out about the cancer, and they were the best/worst 6 months of her life.

The best because of Finn. The way he held her in his arms as they slept. The way he never let her out of his sight. The way he only saw her and never compared her to the other girls. They way he loved her.

The worst because of the cancer. The pain that came with chemotherapy. The distress it had caused everyone. The sadness and despair. The hopelessness.

Rachel stared at herself in the mirror, hardly believing that it was actually her.

"God, you've let yourself go, haven't you?" She said quietly as she stood there, her bare feet standing steady on the fuzzy pink bath rug.

Her hair was gone, of course. That left a shiny, bald head. The place the doctors had cut and sutured measured about 6 inches on the back of her head. It was covered with bandages. Her face was hollow, cheekbones protruding. Under her eyes, a deep purple could be seen. She never slept, so that was expected.

Her body was covered in scars. She'd lost more weight as well. Rachel was down to 89 lbs. She didn't mind, but she knew Finn was upset she was so small. She could count each rib perfectly, and felt the bones poking out where they weren't normally supposed to.

At a glance, you'd think she was anorexic. You'd think she was bulimic.

Her arms, her poor, battered arms. The pink scars, some recent, showed up clearly.

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><p>Suddenly, the door burst open. Kurt, who clearly had no shame at all, was smiling his usual evil smile. "Miss Berry, or should I say Mrs. Hudson?"<p>

Rachel covered herself up quickly, gasping a little. "Kurt! You don't just barge into someone's bathroom without knocking!"

"Oh come on. I'm gay. It's not like I care at all. Now, drop the towel and let me see what I have to work with today."

Oh right. She had almost forgotten.

Today was the day she became Mrs. Finn Hudson.

Rachel nervously dropped the towel. Why should she be embarrassed around Kurt? He was her best gay, of course she could be natural around him. He looked her over, a sad look coming over his face. "Cancer's a bitch, isn't she?" He walked out for a moment then came back with a box. "Here, present time."

Rachel took the box cautiously. She opened it and gasped. Inside was a beautiful, dark brown wig full of human hair. It was almost an exact replica of Rachel's real hair, which, sadly, was gone. She ran her fingers through the silky, fine hair and smiled. "Oh this is wonderful Kurt!"

Rachel got dressed into something comfortable before she was seated in the bathroom. She was told she had no say in anything today. To just let Kurt do his magic.

Of course, he was not alone. Mercedes, Tina, Quinn, Santana, and Brittany were there to help him. They had all wanted to be part of Rachel's wedding day, to make it special for her.

A long while later, Kurt spun Rachel's chair around to face the mirror.

"Alright, now open your eyes!" He said excitedly.

Rachel blinked and opened up her eyes, shocked at the sight that she saw in front of her. It was her, Rachel Barbra Berry, but without the sadness, pain, and sickness. Her hair, the wig, was put in an elegant bun piled on top of her head. It took all she had not to burst into tears of joy.

"I...I'm beautiful. I can't believe you did this." She couldn't keep the smile from her face.

"We aren't done yet. Still have to show you the dress after we got the alterations done. You kinda lost alot of weight, so we had to get them to bring it in." Kurt held the dress bag up and unzipped it. Then, in a minute or so, it was being zipped into place on Rachel's body.

She took another look in the mirror and gasped. The dress was exactly as she had hoped. It was a sort of 1950's style dress, ankle length and fluffy. It was fitted at the waist and chest and had long sleeves that buttoned halfway up. It was more than what she could have hoped for. It was perfect.

She slipped on her shoes, simple white heels, and spun around.

"I can't believe this is happening." She said, looking around at all of her friends.

"You're going to be Mrs. Rachel Hudson. Isn't that what you've always wanted?" Quinn asked.

Rachel nodded and smiled. "More than anything."

* * *

><p>So there she was, linked arms with both of her fathers, one on either side of her. She had never felt more beautiful in her entire life. Rachel Berry was about to be married.<p>

The music started and she looked down before taking the first step down the aisle. Her stomach twisted in knots, though she didn't know why she was so nervous. It was only Finn. But it was _her_Finn.

The second she stepped out, his eyes were glued to her. Finn couldn't remember a time when she had looked more gorgeous. Of course, she was beautiful everyday to him, but even moreso now. You could practically see the happiness radiating off of her.

He felt like the walk down the aisle took far too long. He wanted to kiss her and be married. To get this all done so he could call her his own.

She finally made it up there and glanced up at him. She smiled her usual, _real_ smile. He loved that smile more than anything.

They endured the boring, neverending rambling of the Rabbi (Rachel had wanted to do this the jewish way, with a Rabbi). Not everything had been traditional Jewish though. It was simply a wedding between two lovers who hadn't much time left together. Finn pretended to listen to what the Rabbi was saying, but he was speaking in Hebrew. Rachel seemed to understand bits and pieces, and after a quick glance at Puck, he had deduced that Puck knew some parts of what he was saying as well.

Finally the time came. He heard the words and everything else didn't matter.

"Finn Christopher Hudson, do you take Rachel Barbra Berry to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"

He looked directly into her eyes and spoke without hesitation. "I do."

"Rachel Barbra Berry, do you take Finn Christopher Hudson to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"

She just couldn't keep the smile off of he face when she said it. "I do. I do. I do."

"You may now kiss the bride."

Those six words were all it took to make Finn Hudson the happiest man on earth. Rachel Berry, or _Hudson_, was finally his. He picked her up in his arms and kissed her, deeply and passionately.

She practically melted in his arms. In that moment, that tiny moment, everything else was gone. She hadn't been assaulted (either time), there was no cancer, no teasing, no bullying, no heartbreak, no nothing. She was herself again.

Clapping broke them out of the kiss. Finn picked her up and held her with ease as he walked down the aisle. "I love you so much, Rachel." He said.

She smiled and kissed his cheek several times. "I love you more."

* * *

><p>She blinked a few times, her eyes adjusting to the light. She sat up quickly, not knowing where she was. "Wh-Wh...Where am I?" She got out of bed, extremely scared and worried. She saw movement beneath the covers of the bed she was previously in and backed into a corner.<p>

"Rach?" He asked, sitting up. There was Finn. "Rachel, hey, it's alright. It's just me. Just me and you here." He got out of the bed and walked over to her, reaching a cautious hand out to her.

She frowned as she looked around. "F-Finn. Why are we here?"

"Don't you remember yesterday? We're in Chicago, on our honeymoon. I, uh, would have gotten us a nicer room, but this was all I could afford."

Rachel bit her lip. "D-Did we...?"

Finn shook his head, already knowing full well what she was asking. "No, we didn't. We just slept. You slept restlessly though, because of those nightmares you have."

She nodded, beginning to remember all of it. They had gotten married the previous day, yes. They had come to Chicago for the honeymoon, and did not do anything of sexual nature last night. Rachel had nightmares. She remembered now.

"I remember now." She smiled and kissed his cheek. She then crawled back into the bed, as did he, and curled up close to him. "So I'm really Mrs. Rachel Hudson, huh?"

He nodded and smiled. "You're all mine."

**REVIEW!**


	18. Chapter 18

Hello lovelies! I want to take a moment and apologize for the extreme chapter lack-age over the last few months. I have been so busy, and I haven't had time to write. But just for that, I'm going to write an amazing and long (I hope) chapter for you right now!

* * *

><p>She looked so peaceful, lying there on the hospital bed. Peaceful, quiet, and angelic. Finn sat by the bed, holding her hand in his. She was dying. He knew it, she knew it, and everyone who came and saw her knew it. You couldn't take one look at the girl without immediately noticing that she was very ill. Her eyes were sunken in. Her body was at its smallest. She was barely 90 pounds. Prominent dark circles sat underneath the big brown eyes that Finn so adored.<br>Even though the cancer was taking her over, Finn still thought she was the most beautiful girl on the planet.

Six months he'd been able to spend with her. Yes, they were painfully hard. Graduation had come and gone, her friends left off to college. Rachel and Finn stayed in Lima, though. She was too weak to travel at the time.

So they waited. They had their own apartment, but of course Rachel's dads were over nearly every day to check on their only daughter. He didn't mind though. They all knew they only had a little bit of time with Rachel left anyway.

Yet, everyday, he would remind her of how when she got stronger, they'd go to New York and start life together. She'd be on Broadway living her dream, and he'd be working to support them. They'd raise their babies and live happily ever after. This always made Rachel smile, even though in her heart, she knew it would probably never happen.

She blinked and looked around the room, barely moving. Her body was so weak and tired. She tried to lift her head, but gave up after she felt herself straining.  
>The past week she'd spent in the hospital had been hell at its worst.<br>There was supposed to have been a surgery, but of course, the cancer had spread too far. This was the end, and the young doctor had been very sincere on that fact.

She sighed quietly and tried not to wake Finn, who, unknown to her, was awake beside her, just pretending to be asleep. She smiled sadly at him, wishing she could fix him, because it seemed as though he was more broken than she was.

Rachel hadn't given much thought to death. Of course, death is the moment in life when you look back on everything that has ever happened to you and you're supposed to feel sort of content. She didn't quite feel content yet, though. Leaving her husband, her fathers, her friends, and everything she'd ever known was a tough thing to wrap her mind around.  
>Though, when she really did think about it, dying seemed easy. It seemed better than this life of nightmares and needles she was quite used to living.<p>

She slowly moved her hand from underneath Finn's and placed it on top, rubbing the back of his soft hand with her thumb. He sat up slowly and smiled, wiping the little bit of drool from his mouth.

"Hey.." He said, kissing her pale cheek softly. "Morning."

Rachel smiled back at him, squinting slightly in the morning sunlight. "Good morning."

He sat up more and stretched. "Think today's going to be a good day?" Finn had gotten into the habit of making sure Rachel had the best possible days.

"Yes, I think it will be a good day." She sighed happily, watching him. Truthfully, Rachel did think it would be a good day. It would be a good day for her, because she already had a feeling of what was going to happen.

"So you're feeling alright? Can I get you anything? Your dads will be here later, and Quinn and Mercedes wanted to stop by, too. They're in town."

"Oh?" She asked, smiling. "Good. I've wanted to see them for so long..haven't they been gone a few years now? Or is it days?" She asked, frowning slightly. "They've been off at Washington together."

Finn frowned, shaking his head. "Er…No. They've only been gone for six months. And Quinn is at Yale. Mercedes is at Ohio State. You know that, Rach."

Rachel shook her head. "Sorry. I just got a bit confused." She hadn't. She'd had another memory problem. The tumors in her brain had caused her to forget whole chunks of her past, and then suddenly remember them moments, or days, later.

Later, after the nurse had come by and changed Rachel's tubes and medicines, something happened.  
>Rachel was beginning to get excessively worse as the minutes wore on.<p>

Every second, new doctors were in and out of the hospital room, pushing Finn back, trying to examine her. Eventually, Rachel's doctor pulled Finn out of the room, his face looking quite grim.

"I'm very sorry, son. This is it." He said, his hand resting on Finn's shoulder.

Finn shook his head, his breathing speeding up. "What do you mean? No, no you can't mean what I think you mean. No."

The young doctor tried to reason with him, then explained what was happening.

"There's bleeding in her brain from the tumors. But we can't go in, it'll only make it worse. They've spread, too, spinal cord now. She's got a few hours, if we're lucky. I'm so sorry. There's nothing we can do." He patted his shoulder softly and walked away.

Finn looked back into the now empty hospital room and sighed, walking back in. He wasn't sure if he could handle this. She was dying today. Today. Not tomorrow. Tomorrow, she wouldn't be there. She'd be in a cold box, frozen and dead.

She smiled her familiar, beautiful smile at him. Even on her deathbed, she'd be as happy as she could be, for him. "Finny." She said quietly, letting the tears brim in her eyes. "I love you so much. Please, please remember that." She grabbed his hand tightly, using what little strength she had.

He sat down beside her, trying not to burst into tears. The way she was so calm, so brave, it made him proud. He was proud to be her husband. "I love you more than words can describe. I hope you know that. I…I don't quite know what to say. Other than, I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from everything."

Rachel put her hand softly on his cheek and smiled. "You're my best friend. You have protected me, since the first day I met you."

They talked for a while longer, about nothing in particular. They tried to avoid the topic of death altogether. Suddenly, a knock on the door signaled Rachel's dads' arrival. They walked in, already upset, cheeks already wet with tears.  
>Behind them, the entire Glee club stood.<p>

With help from Finn, Rachel sat up in the bed, smiling at her friends. Each one of them had shown up to support her, not just Quinn and Mercedes. She sniffed and wiped her eyes, feeling the wet, salty tears on her finger. "How did y-you guys know to come? T-Today?"

Quinn shrugged. "We just planned it. It was just a coincidence.. But we're so glad we're here for this day. Rachel, we love you. We just want you to know that.." She sniffed and wiped her eyes, walking to the front of the bed. "Wherever you go when…you know…we'll miss you. You're going to be so happy there. You'll be able to s-sing…and d-dance everyday. God is watching out for you." She wiped her eyes, and then started to sob into her hands.

Then, the entire club gathered around Rachel's bed and started to sing.

* * *

><p>Life is Beautiful by Vega4—<p>

Life is beautiful

We love until we die

When you run into my arms,

We steal a perfect moment.

Let the monsters see you smile,

Let them see you smiling.

Do I hold you too tightly?

When will the hurt kick in?

Life is beautiful, but it's complicated.

We barely make it.

We don't need to understand,

There are miracles, miracles.

Yeah, life is beautiful.

Our hearts, they beat and break.

When you run away from harm,

Will you run back into my arms,

Like you did when you were young?

Will you come back to me?

I will hold you tightly

When the hurting kicks in.

Life is beautiful, but it's complicated,

we barely make it.

We don't need to understand,

There are miracles, miracles.

Stand where you are.

We let all these moments pass us by.

It's amazing where I'm standing,

There's a lot that we can give.

This is ours just for a moment.

There's a lot that we can give.

* * *

><p>After the song ended, they gathered around and simply spent time together, reminiscing about past events. They all tried to make Rachel as comfortable as possible, seeing that she was deteriorating as time wore on.<p>

At one point, several hours later, Rachel began to doze off. It was nearing 9 PM, and she was still clinging on to life.

She started to cough and shake her head, slowly beginning to lose the memory she so desperately wanted to keep.

Rachel wouldn't admit it, but at this point in time, she was scared. She was more scared now than she had ever been in her entire life. Dying was not as easy and painless as she'd thought. The pain was not physical, but mental.

As the minutes wore on, she was in constant prayer and pain. Finn held her hands tightly, whispering sweet things into her ears. The whole club sat around the room, being quiet but supportive.  
>Her dads were holding one another, watching the slow death of their daughter they so loved and cherished.<p>

After one final kiss and a quiet "I love you" uttered from her lips, the continual, annoying beep sounded. No heartbeat left. No Rachel left.

Finn broke down into hysterical sobs. Never had he cried like this in his life. His one perfect thing was gone, and there wasn't anything he could do about it.

Shiny, fat tears fell from everyone's eyes as they tried to process what had just happened.

She was gone, but she was still there. She might not be there physically, but her light wasn't out yet. She was still Rachel Berry, the gold star queen. She was through with the misery and pain.

* * *

><p>Stay tuned for an epilogue! I'm so sad! Literally, crying right now!<p> 


	19. Epilogue

EPILOGUE-

-Four Years Later-

_It's been four full years, _he thinks to himself. _Four years since I saw her take her last breath. _He sighs slowly, his chin resting in the palm of his hand. Yes, it had been four years. Four very long, straining years. They'd been painful, to say the least.

Finn gazed into the sky, then turned his attention to the hard, grey stone at his side. It was smooth and glossy, almost as if it'd been chiseled the day before. He ran his callused fingers over the engraving.

_Rachel Barbra Berry Hudson_

_December 18, 1993 - October 21, 2011_

_Beloved daughter, friend, and wife._

"_You're still our bright, gold star shining down from Heaven"_

He reads the words over and over, as he has done several hundred times in the years since her death. He tries to imagine her smile, and can still see it clearly, though Finn knows that someday she will just be a fading memory and it will become harder and harder to remember her laugh, her voice, her smile. He knows that time will come when he will barely remember how her kisses felt on his lips. How her perfectly groomed hair always smelled of her strawberry shampoo. He knows this will come someday, but he isn't ready. He can still hold on to the memories of her that he has; such vivid memories.

Finn smiles to himself as he thinks of her. He carefully places the pink roses he bought for her in the vase sitting at the base of the headstone. He buys her the roses every year on the anniversary of her death. For Christmas and Hanukkah, he chooses red ones. On her birthday, he picks lilies, because he knows they were her favorite. And at random times throughout the year, he comes just to say hello. He always brings her flowers though.

In the weeks following Rachel's death, Finn lost himself. He strayed from society, retreating into his mind and his own body. His world didn't feel the same; there was a warmth missing from him. He always felt ten degrees colder. The colors he saw were duller. The flowers wilted. Faces droopy. He gave most everything of Rachel's back to her dads, keeping only the essentials. Her DVD of Funny Girl, her bedazzled microphone, a reindeer sweater, and the gold star necklace he'd given her on Valentines Day of their Junior year. Of course, he had pictures too. Tons of them. He'd flip through them occasionally, gazing down at the beautiful brown eyes he longed to see blink one more time.

But that would never happen. Because she was gone. Physically, at least. Sometimes Finn felt her in the air around him, or in the sunlight that softly hit his cheeks. As the wind would blow through the trees and rustle the leaves, he could swear it was Rachel, looking down on him from Heaven, or wherever she was. Thunderstorms were especially peculiar for Finn. Every time the thunder clapped, he knew she was singing to him, hitting her high notes. The rain caused him to remember how she cried during every solo she ever sang. The emotion in her singing was immense. He felt it during rainstorms. He felt _her. _

Finn glances up when he hears a quiet giggle. His lips stretch into a smile as he looks up to see his daughter, Ruth. She's three years old and looks similar to Rachel in every way. He reaches for her and pulls her into his lap, holding her close and breathing in the smell of the strawberry scented shampoo that Rachel always used. It was comforting to him, smelling that. But it also helped Ruth to know more about her mother. She never actually met her, in all honesty.

This is how it played out. Six months after Rachel's death, her doctor consulted Finn about something. Before beginning chemotherapy, Rachel had had some of her eggs preserved in the hopes of having children someday. After her death, however, her doctor had the idea of using a surrogate mother to have Rachel's baby. At first, Finn refused. He refused for three months straight before finally agreeing to using a surrogate mother to carry his and Rachel's baby. Sure, this was never the way he imagined conceiving a child with Rachel. He hated the idea of someone else growing their baby, and his heart ached at the fact that she would never be able to meet him/her. And the baby would never meet its own mother, but still. It was every bit as much Rachel's child as it was Finn's.

The nine months were tough. He felt strange for not doing this with Rachel, but what were his other options? His family understood, of course. They sympathized, but it was still strange. He'd made it through college and decided to move back to the city after the baby was born. He managed to find work as a manager for various Broadway productions. He does it mainly for Rachel, but also for himself. It's what he likes to do, being involved with Broadway without actually being in it.

So after the long, tedious nine months were up, Finn and Rachel's beautiful baby girl, Ruth, was born. Hanna Ruth Hudson. He made sure the name he picked was Jewish, of course. She was six pounds, three ounces and perfectly healthy. When he held her in his arms for the first time, Finn could have cried she was so perfect. She had Rachel's nose, which he secretly loved, her deep, chocolate brown eyes, and her wide smile. Finn strongly believed there was no more perfect child on the earth. Ruth was it. She was wonderful and tiny and perfect in every way.

So they stayed in New York City together, making it through those first few months slowly. He made enough to support them and send Ruth to daycare and put plenty of food on the table. He even went shopping for her, buying her things he'd think Rachel would pick out. Though, often times it was Santana, Brittany, or Quinn who would do the shopping for her. They lived in the city as well and helped out immensely with Ruth. They were like three little mothers to her, pampering her and loving her in ways that Finn couldn't. They would be there for her during the hard teenage years when a girl needs her mother most.

Sure, some days were hard. Others were downright miserable. But it was worth it to put Ruth to bed each night and watch as her chest rose and fell to the rhythm of her steady breathing.

"Daddy!" Ruth yelled, pulling him out of his trance. He smiled at her and looked down into her eyes and smiled.

"What is it, Princess?" He asked her, raising his eyebrow slightly.

Ruth bent over and reached for one of the roses, pulling at the petals with her fingers. "My flowers?" She asked, yanking one of the long stemmed roses out of the bouquet.

"No, honey. Those are mommy's flowers. It's a special day, remember?" Finn took the rose from her and snapped the stem off so she wouldn't get pricked by the thorns, then handed it back to her. "But I'll let you keep this one, okay? And i'll even buy you some flowers of your own to put in your room when we get back home. Does that sound good?" Finn asked the curious three year old, nodding a bit to her.

Ruth grinned widely and nodded, taking the flower from her father and pulling at the soft petals again. "Wuth wuvs mommy. And daddy, too." She told him in her squeaky toddler voice.

Finn grinned and kissed her smooth cheek softly, brushing back the soft tendrils of hair that fell loosely and curved around her rounded chin. "I love you too, princess. Mommy loves you so much, too. She's looking down on you from Heaven as we speak. Remember your bracelet Grandpa and Grandad gave you? That's your guardian angel, and that's mommy." He smiled faintly at her, picking up her pudgy wrist in his hand and running his thumb over the tiny silver bracelet around her wrist. A single, silver angel rested in the center of the bracelet, as if to protect and watch over Ruth.

She nodded and glanced toward her bracelet as well, touching it with her finger and smiling a little. "My mommy is a angel." Ruth said very matter-of-factly.

Finn nodded to her and stood up, brushing the grass from his pants and holding Ruth close to him in his arms. He sighed a little as he felt the chilly, October breeze brush past him. He grinned widely when he heard Ruth begin to hum. Even at the tender age of three, she had expressed a love of singing and dancing, much to Finn's rejoice. She had her mother's exceptional talent. She was going to be great someday, just like Rachel. He already knew it.

They walked leisurely back to the car after saying their goodbyes. But it wasn't bye for long. They'd be back Thanksgiving through Christmas. They always came back. They needed to. _Finn_ needed to.

So he buckled her into her pink, floral carseat and settled himself in the front seat. "We got a long drive ahead of us Ruthie. What do you say about a quick stop at the donut store? And you better be thinking of some good songs for us to sing on the way home." He smiled back at her through the rear view mirror and blew her a kiss when he saw the joyous expression on her face. The slightest things made her happy.

After the donut stop and two full bellies later, the two were off. Throughout the long drive home, Finn thought of Rachel. So much pain she'd been through: Bullying, rape, cancer, _death_. But he believed death was peaceful for her. It had come easily. She didn't seem to hold on, and why should she have? He knew she didn't _want_ to leave, but she had to. Her hands had touched many hearts, and her voice many more.

And so he drove. Back to New York. Back to the city of dreams. Back to their life; quiet and content. Back to where he knew Rachel would be waiting for them. She'd signal them in her own unique way, somehow. She always did.


End file.
